dedication and focus.

Hearing “3…2…1…GO!” instantly gave me an adrenaline rush.  For the next 17 minutes I was in the zone and completely focused on just me. Focused on my breathing, my technique, my form and chipping away at each rep.  In that moment, I was reminded that I am only competing against myself.   Yes, I was being judged, yes I’d be compared to other athletes, but none of that mattered.  What mattered is that I had one task at hand that only I had control over, and it was to do the best that I could do within a set time frame.  Not for one second was I thinking about work, what I had to do the next day, how I was getting home (route from Queens to Brooklyn…looks WAY better on a map).  It was just me and the bar. As I lie in complete exhaustion once the 17 minutes were up, I felt an incredible sense of relief and clarity.  Completing more reps than I originally thought I could do gave me power.  Power to accomplish anything that was (and will be) thrown at me.

It took an arduous workout to remind myself that I am capable of doing my best work and putting my best effort when I truly focus and work on one specific task.  I have the tendency to try and accomplish a million different things at the same time, and get frustrated when I see that nothing really has been completed.  Maybe before each set of things that I have to do, I should countdown “3…2…1…Go!”  to focus and get that shit done so I can move on to the next one…

Fun fact: I timed myself to write this post in under 30 minutes.  Accomplished. Boom.

float on.

 Bad news comes, don’t you worry even when it lands / Good news will work its way to all them plans In less than one month, I’ve stayed in three – very – different areas of the city.  Owning two suitcases worth of things and being able to pack everything in less than 20 minutes is the key to doing this in a “don’t drive yourself crazy” type of way.  The actual move from place to place isn’t stressful at all.  If anything, it’s exciting.  I’ve learned so much in this short time frame just by allowing myself to explore different areas and being open to crashing at my friend’s places without feeling guilty.  Each place I've stayed in, I felt that it was meant to be - even up to the exact day that I "moved in."

The two craziest and most overwhelming weeks of my life, I spent in Chelsea.  I learned to find peace in the midst of chaos by meditating; I learned about the value of communication and made a final decision that I could never live in the city [smile].  Finding the balance of staying calm when everything appeared to be falling apart was my biggest challenge – and –opportunity to test (and build) my inner strength.

The night before Valentine’s Day I moved to Bed-Stuy/Clinton Hill.  Walking off the train the next day, I literally felt so much love around me.  People are more welcoming, humble and not so much destination walkers like I had seen in Chelsea.  I learned to truly connect with the people I encountered - to be completely vulnerable and allow the conversations I had to resonate.  I allowed love and inspiration to fill me completely to the point that it exuded out of me and onto others.

In Prospect Park I’m learning to appreciate everything for what it is and to understand that everything that surrounds me (people, nature, obstacles) is meant to help and sustain me…. more on this neighborhood later ;)

Live simply. Be humble. Be honest. Ask. Hustle.

One month living in New York and these are the most relevant things that I’ve been practicing that have allowed me to see things in a different light, which have cleared my path to allow opportunities to come my way.

Related: Spread love it’s the Brooklyn way!

create momentum.

Positivity leads to confidence.  Confidence leads to opportunities.  Opportunities lead to success. 

It’s a recurring cycle that creates momentum.  The momentum that carries one to keep pushing the limits, running through closed doors and paving a path for continuous growth.

Stay positive.

communication.

Expressing and communicating how you feel to a friend or your idea on what may or may not work with your company, is so critical. Especially when you know it will bring up possible debates on said topic. Knowing that most people are afraid to express how they feel whether in public in a meeting, or in private with a spouse, for the fear of being frowned upon or rejected is a sad state of affairs.

Realizing all the things you should've said when you had the opportunity to, but didn't, is not a good feeling. Waiting for the "right" time will never happen.

Express your thoughts when the opportunity is there.

Understanding this and implementing it on a consistent basis has been one of my biggest challenges.

rest.

I never realize how much rest I don't get / didn't have until it's too late. Going through the motions of adapting to a new city and job takes a lot of energy. Mix that with a must do/see all mentality isn't helpful either.

Being overworked can be painful and ultimately unproductive...and in my case, physically draining. I've overworked my capacities to the point that I'm causing my body to breakdown. (Hello Emergen-C).

Take time to give yourself rest to clear your thoughts and let your mind and body recover from the hard work you've put in.

Reminder: I am not invincible.

Neither are you.

be direct.

How you feel internally is never translated to how you want others to interpret you.  Be direct, upfront and confident.

Spending a week learning the ins and outs in a new industry, and understanding that in order to be successful, I have to find the underlying motivator for why people have spent hundreds of dollars to work out and thousands to invest in a personal trainer…is what matters.

Asking the right questions, having the person express what their expectations and goals are – with a hard deadline – is the foundation to help them achieve their success.

This translates not only in the fitness & health industry, but also in life in general.  In order to build (and have) a stable relationship – whether it is with a significant other, your boss, your teacher, your friend, etc. – you have to be able to connect with them on an emotional level by asking specific questions to state what their expectations are.  Nothing is ever determined based on assumptions, nor is anything solidified based on misleading information. 

Be truthful in your statements.  Be honest with your words and actions.  Nothing is or will ever be understood based on assumptions.  

I won’t have a successful business if my clients don’t trust me based on me giving them vague outlines without any plan.  I have to be direct, upfront and definitive with my words and actions so that we both can achieve our goals.

It goes deeper than just asking questions.  It’s asking the right questions.  Digging into their psyche -  asking the why's/how's/what's -  to get a vivid picture of what they want to accomplish and having them commit to action in XYZ time frame leads to the success of said person. 

Not asking the right questions can lead to being misunderstood, misread and ultimately lost in direction.   Getting back on course requires effective communication, and more specific outlines to achieve continuous progression.

This process involves being truthful, confident and concise with your actions and words, so they don’t become misleading.  Say what you mean and mean what you say. Ask direct questions that invoke an emotion.  This is the only way to be fully understood for both parties to reach a common ground and to ultimately build a solid relationship. 

Not being honest with yourself, or truthful in your words may not necessarily affect your intended audience immediately, but in due time, it will catch up to you more often than not – when it’s already too late.

chip away.

The green in an aurora is created by oxygen in high altitudes.  This level of atmosphere can seem overwhelming at first.

Breathe. - Ishmael Islam

I’ve experienced more emotions that consist of everything from doubt to confusion to excitement to sadness in the span of one week, than I have ever experienced in my life.

I’ll spare the details since it’s all relative now, but just going through these experiences that give you these feelings can send you in a spiraling downfall that can crush your spirit at any given moment.

In order to avoid this, or at least position yourself so it doesn’t happen as fast, take ownership in finding out a way to get back up and moving, even if you don’t know the direction you’re supposed to be going in.  Take time for yourself, away from distractions, to allow these emotions and thoughts to stabilize.

Not everything is what it seems, yet there are signs and clues to see this picture clearer.  Being able to confront a situation that’s scary and uncomfortable when all you feel is hurt, is relieving – even if it’s temporary – but it builds courage each time you step up and face these fears.  The point is to be able to withstand these obstacles, taking them head on, and chip away at each uncomfortable stage to be able to set up a foundation that is more stable for you to continue your journey.

It's never easy, but at least it's progress.

fighting the resistance.

Life is throwing what feels like the weight of the world right on my back.  All at once.

Figuring out where I can build up the strength and balance to take on this city, cultivate and maintain relationships and not feel broken/lost/confused along the way is so incredibly tough.

I was told prior to moving (aside from all the "fun" stuff) that NYC can be overwhelming/lonely/scary....and here we are.  

Touché friends, touché.

nyc.

Current status: on the Bolt Bus en route to NYC.  To live.  Like, live live. W t f. I could shuffle through my journal and find an entry that is very similar to what I’m writing now.  I spent about ten years living in Miami, and decided I needed a change (Which reminds me that I still need to finish writing about living/working in Miami).

Six months ago I was on a train leaving Florida heading to Maryland, writing away.  I had all the curiosities and wonders of the world:  “What is it going to be like in a month? A few months? A year? Where will I be working?  Where am I going to live in New York? Omg Brooklyn, I can’t wait!” but no plan really.

I was bold and ambitious and was ready for anything.  Shit, I traveled.  Like for real traveled.  Africa & South America type traveled.  Sitting here thinking that I actually did that is bananas.  The decision to head to Africa/Senegal was talked about earlier in 2012 with some friends, and South America/Argentina was completely spur of the moment. Completely normal, I know.  Both trips however, helped shift my focus on what I want to do in this next chapter of my life.

My (somewhat drastic) decisions to do something different, by changing the course of my direction, led me to where I am now.  Having the idea and desire to do something completely insane by taking trips out of the country on a whim - something that made me a bit nervous at first, drove me closer to what I wanted.

I’m just as excited and nervous as I was seven months ago, but now I’m more focused on what I want to do.  I have a plan.  The thoughts I had months ago are being put into action, and I feel like this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.

Hellllllo, New York :)

no guts, no glory.

Turning down a job offer “in this economy” is one thing.  Turning down a job offer that pays more than your other option, is another.  Turning down a job offer that pays more not knowing 100% if you even got the other offer is ballsy. Call me cocky, at least you’re callin’.   Wait.  No.  That’s not how the saying goes.  Call me crazy, yes.  But there are tons of people who have done this, and those are the type of people who tend to be successful.  (Whatever that means to you).  Those are the same people who take risks, fail, fall down, get back up, and take on the challenge of being, well, challenged.  Over and over again.

Not settling for just another job – seven months after willingly being unemployed – is risky.  But I knew I would absolutely dislike everything about the more paying job.  Spending these past few months reading hundreds of articles, watching dozens of interviews and talking to like-minded crazy people, helped me realize that there are always options out there if you’re willing to pay attention and do the work.  I've learned too much to brush it all away to just settle for what's safe.

I’m thankful for this opportunity and for the people who helped spark this light within me to keep moving.  I’ll gladly take the offer of building my own book of business, developing new skills and ultimately helping others live better, over a higher paying, unwanted job, any day.

the vent.

“Don’t be naïve, yeah, these times is hard…” – Big K.R.I.T. No one really ever talks about the tough times.  The times in the midst of transition – the doubts, the assumptions, the what-ifs.

Everyone likes or RTs quotes that they feel that they can relate to, but honestly I don’t think that everyone actually has been through or lived through the steps to get to these “a-ha” moments.

It’s easy to hit the like button.  It’s easy to RT.  But what most people tend to miss is the hard stuff.  The trials and tribulations of what it takes to get to that eye-opening quote that they’ve read.

Consider this me venting and being completely transparent, but no one really talks about the shit stuff that one goes through to figure out what they want to do.

I can allude to different tactics, and situations or scenarios that I’ve been in, but every situation is different.

What it comes down to is that not too many people give a shit what you’ve went through.  They just see where you are now, and if you're successful in their eyes, they want to skip all the steps/trial/tribulations to reach the same success as you.  As cliché as it is, nothing in life - that matters - comes easy.  At least the stuff worth living for or working towards.

I’ve never been so scared or nervous in my life until up to this point.  Trying to alleviate the stress by working out or writing or diverting to a wine glass (or three), just hides the symptoms.

Being brave enough to confront what I’m feeling and coming to grips that this is my reality and something that I have never done before gives me so much anxiety.  Learning to go through this pain/process is honestly the hardest thing that I’ve been through.

I doubt most things.  I question everything.  But at the same time, I know that I have this confidence that is dominating every doubt that I can ever have in my head.  This is what’s carrying me through each day.

I use my writing to vent.  Not everyone will understand what I’m going through.  And honestly, I don’t care.  What I care about is that people should realize that not everything is sugar coated, not everyone is perfect, and every situation that you think of in your head isn’t going to go exactly as planned.  You have to work so hard for what you want.

Risking everything and pursuing something that completely terrifies me is the ultimate test.

Win or lose, I know that as long as I put in the work I’ll be a better person because of it.

[Vent/rant over.]

fight.

Fight through the discomfort. Fight through the doubts. Fight through the fear. Then shake it off, and keep moving.

moment of clarity.

After spending most of my day gathering information on various topics, listening to an almost 2-hour long webinar on launching a business online, and refreshing Facebook and Twitter every 5 seconds, I felt paralyzed.  Trapped in my mind were so many different thoughts, ideas, possible opportunities, and it was overwhelming.  

Not being able to really pinpoint my frustrations, I couldn't talk to a family member or anyone else close to me because I couldn't express what I wanted to say.  Trying to nap it off, didn't work.  Writing ideas down, didn't work.  Drinking tea, didn't work.  All the things that usually help me clear my mind, didn't work.  I was going crazy.

The frustrations of being an introvert (specifically an INFP) were eating at me and I needed an outlet to vent.   

At 10pm, I decided to workout.  The gym I'm a member of gives me access 24/7, and considering it was so late in the evening, I had a hunch that no one else would be there.  Just me, the weights and my music.  In the span of about an hour, I was able to shift my focus solely on the workout, and I felt euphoric.  

The bar was my therapy, and that's all I needed to clear my mind.  

decisions.

I’ve always had difficulty making decisions.  More often than not, I find myself flipping a coin when I can’t make a choice or, in more extreme terms, using a basketball game to determine my decision. Working with my previous employer over another company was decided based on the outcome of a college basketball game that I was watching the night I received both offers. #truestory

I could blame the combination of being a female and a Libra for my lack of decision-making, but I realize those are just arbitrary excuses that I use more often than I want to.

It wasn’t until this past year that I’ve actually started making choices based on what I felt was right for me as opposed to letting other people or things decide for me. 

Maybe it’s not so much decision making that’s difficult for me.  Maybe it’s the fact that I had options, which all seemed appealing to me, and I was afraid to let one opportunity go.  What it comes down to is that I have to continue to focus on one main goal/idea, and make clear and concise decisions based on what’s best for me.

I’m currently in the process of spearheading another big move that will more than likely change my life.  This process is the scariest feeling I’ve experienced.  Scarier than jumping out of a plane 13,000 feet in the air.  Scarier than quitting my job.  Scarier than leaving everything behind.  Understanding what I’m feeling is something that I’ve learned recently.

Scary is good.

Something is brewing and the outcome is questionable, but at the same time, this feels right.

anniversary.

Two years ago today, I fell in love. No, I'm not engaged or anything, but I'm proud to say I am committed to CrossFit.

This date will always be special to me because of the magnitude of how much CrossFit has helped me to become a stronger (both mentally and physically) and more confident person.

Thank you to Marcela for convincing me to try out a WOD and for being the catalyst in signing me up.

Thank you to Giannina and Patricia for being crazy enough to do our first official workout at the butt-crack of dawn. (Never again!)

Thank you to the Reebok CrossFit MB, IMT and 5th Ave. coaches who have pushed me beyond what I ever thought I could be able to do.

Two years later, I'm still sore, I still have room for improvements and am continuously learning new techniques and skills.

CF hasn't become easier over these past two years. It's the pursuit of going beyond my limits that have made the hard parts worth while.

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slow down.

Three very specific things happened to me today that I failed in, miserably.  Two of which involved cooking and the third involved CrossFit. In a nutshell I: 1. Overcooked steak

Overcooked Steak

2. Pulled too soon (numerous times) in an Olympic Lift which resulted in multiple failed attempts

failed snatch attempt

3. Forgot to add flour to a batch of cookies

Flourless Blueberry Cookies

Not end-of-the-world mistakes, but big enough that I noticed to the point that I felt the need to write about.

Sometimes it’s hard to digest a setback.  Sometimes it’s not as simple or easy to figure out.  But, the commonality of every failure is learning from it in hopes to not make the same mistake again.

A lot of mistakes, specifically what happened today, could have been avoided if I just paid attention and slowed down my actions.

Lesson learned.

paint your picture.

Today was the first time I looked back and started reading pages in one of my journals.  Entries date back to April 2010 up to the present time, with about 30 pages remaining. The themes of these entries are all similar:

- Create my own path - Be honest with myself and with others - Never stop writing - Never stop listening - Always strive to be challenged

Documenting my thoughts and reading my own words connects the dots to where I am now.  I didn’t always know why I was writing, but I knew that I just needed to write, to develop what I represent.

Staring at a blank page or document is always intimidating at first.  It’s when I fill these platforms with my own words that I am the most proud of myself.  These are permanent reminders that I’m the artist that is recording vivid images of the moments that make up my life.

As 2013 kicks off, I get this same intimidating, yet exciting feeling.  It’s a fresh slate to utilize the groundwork that I laid in the past to help continue to create my best work...the work that represents me.

the art of being alone.

As there are numerous articles, status updates and blogs being posted based on the topic along the lines of “2012: a year in review,” I’m continuously reflecting on the past to trace the path that I’ve created, no matter what day it is.  This post just happens to be composed on the last day of the year. The first half of 2012 I was absorbing everything, appreciating every moment that I could, knowing that my life wasn’t going to be the same in a few months.  I didn’t know where I was going to end up, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be in my current situation for much longer.  The shift in the matrix came when I quit my job in the middle of the year, and I left everything I knew from my young adulthood behind, with the excitement of starting with a fresh slate.  With the idea of being completely free of a job, and not much else, I couldn’t have described what was to come in the following six months.

From June until now, I’ve been on an emotional and liberating journey, in which I will be forever thankful for having the courage to do what I (and many others) did.   This journey has been filled with exploration, self-discovery and mastering the art of being alone.  Without the distractions of others, or feelings of being absorbed in their motives, understanding who I am wouldn’t have happened unless I took the initiative to focus on me.I’ve always been an introvert, and at times I believed that this was a fault, but I’ve recognized that I’m most comfortable when I’m alone and lost in my own thoughts.  These are the moments when I feel most creative, clear-headed, and most comfortable – and the times where I feel capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to.

Reflecting on some of the most difficult decisions I’ve made - those that involved separating myself from people that were close to me, I realize that this was when I was truly lost.  Going through the motions of what other people set for me, didn’t allow me to think clearly.  This was during a critical time where most people were probably already figuring out who they were, but I was too busy going through the motions of making others satisfied, without really knowing what made me happy.  While I don’t regret anything that I’ve done, I take this time now to be thankful that I went through these experiences, as they have taught me invaluable lessons that no other person or book could teach me.

It’s in these moments when I’m alone that allow my mind to be constantly being filled with new ideas.  These ideas stem from keeping still and remaining focused and clear of distractions, which allow me to process thoughts better than in any other environment that I’ve been in thus far.

It takes time for me to realize what I want and what I’m capable of doing, and I understand that there’s no right or wrong time frame.  I may be a little late in the game according to others, but to me, this is perfect timing.

delicious ambiguity.

"Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”― Gilda Radner

If there is one thing I can take away from my experiences in 2012, it's that nothing is ever set in stone.

Everyone has the ability to create their own path, set their own rules and cause a ruckus that can help shape the future of their lives.  Defining what I want in my life isn't easy, it's not always clear, and at times it isn't fun, but it's the beauty of having the power to be the pilot in every move I make that makes my life fruitful.

challenge accepted.

“You gotta go through pain, in order to become you.” – S. Carter Snowboarding is much tougher than skiing.

I could’ve gone the easy route and rented skis, but I chose the snowboard instead, out of fear.

No crutches; just me and the board, carrying my own weight to make my way down to the bottom of the hill.

After 20+ falls, a class three laceration (I’m making it sound a lot worse than it is) ¼ inch above from my right eye, and countless soon-to-be bruises, I learned how to snowboard.

Trial and error, learning from my mistakes on previous runs, and adjusting accordingly helped me cruise through what turned out to be my final trip down the slope.  With only one* fall at the top of the hill, I felt accomplishment, satisfaction, and exhaustion all at the same time.

The feeling of achievement superseded every bump, bruise, scrape and scar; and personally, I don’t think skis** would’ve given me this same feeling or pain.

The fun was - and will always be - in the challenge.

IMG_0797

*this does not include exiting the ski lift, which I mastered in falling off of EVERY TIME. **at least not on the beginner slope [smile]