the art of being alone.

As there are numerous articles, status updates and blogs being posted based on the topic along the lines of “2012: a year in review,” I’m continuously reflecting on the past to trace the path that I’ve created, no matter what day it is.  This post just happens to be composed on the last day of the year. The first half of 2012 I was absorbing everything, appreciating every moment that I could, knowing that my life wasn’t going to be the same in a few months.  I didn’t know where I was going to end up, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be in my current situation for much longer.  The shift in the matrix came when I quit my job in the middle of the year, and I left everything I knew from my young adulthood behind, with the excitement of starting with a fresh slate.  With the idea of being completely free of a job, and not much else, I couldn’t have described what was to come in the following six months.

From June until now, I’ve been on an emotional and liberating journey, in which I will be forever thankful for having the courage to do what I (and many others) did.   This journey has been filled with exploration, self-discovery and mastering the art of being alone.  Without the distractions of others, or feelings of being absorbed in their motives, understanding who I am wouldn’t have happened unless I took the initiative to focus on me.I’ve always been an introvert, and at times I believed that this was a fault, but I’ve recognized that I’m most comfortable when I’m alone and lost in my own thoughts.  These are the moments when I feel most creative, clear-headed, and most comfortable – and the times where I feel capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to.

Reflecting on some of the most difficult decisions I’ve made - those that involved separating myself from people that were close to me, I realize that this was when I was truly lost.  Going through the motions of what other people set for me, didn’t allow me to think clearly.  This was during a critical time where most people were probably already figuring out who they were, but I was too busy going through the motions of making others satisfied, without really knowing what made me happy.  While I don’t regret anything that I’ve done, I take this time now to be thankful that I went through these experiences, as they have taught me invaluable lessons that no other person or book could teach me.

It’s in these moments when I’m alone that allow my mind to be constantly being filled with new ideas.  These ideas stem from keeping still and remaining focused and clear of distractions, which allow me to process thoughts better than in any other environment that I’ve been in thus far.

It takes time for me to realize what I want and what I’m capable of doing, and I understand that there’s no right or wrong time frame.  I may be a little late in the game according to others, but to me, this is perfect timing.