when in doubt, follow how you want to feel.

I don’t think I realized how bad everything was until I got a phone call that jump started this next chapter in my life. The message: “You are not happy.”

Having someone actually say this out loud – to me – was a slap in the face, in the best way possible.

The first three months of 2014 were hellacious. Then the months that followed up until the day I left just felt as if I were playing catch up. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything meaningful, I wasn’t showing up fully, and my mood and energy levels were the pits. I had been going through the motions, not realizing that my actions (or lack there of) were affecting how others see me, and ultimately, how I felt.

Rewind to last year. I had a choice between two jobs. One that sounded fun, cool and all the things you should totally go for, but also very unfamiliar to me. The other? Completely familiar and fell in line with what I had already had some experience in – plus – it was more financially stable. I deferred to the familiar (read: comfortable) territory. In hindsight, the irony of my decision is that I’m always mentioning to friends, and constantly reminding myself to do things that scare you and make you uncomfortable – and I didn’t even take my own advice!

This time around when I knew and felt that I had to get out of this environment, I also had a choice between two jobs. This time, I trusted my gut and made the decision based on the sole factor that every fiber of my being wanted to feel free. The minute I received the offer, I literally felt lighter. I had dug myself a hole and fought with my own thoughts thinking that I’m just having a bad day or a bad few weeks, but that phone call changed the game. I shifted my pieces and made moves to launch me in a different direction.

So, I quit. Again.

Sidenote: Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map has been extremely beneficial this past year, and I owe a lot to her for helping me get some clarity on how I want to feel in my life.

I’m in full swing of my new job, new position and entirely new field.  Now, I’m:

• Free to make decisions based on helping others.

• Free to plan my off days however I want, without being paranoid on missing out on important emails.

• Free to take ownership in leadership, development and actual things that matter that will help my team.

• Free to share my ideas with those who are like me.

Before I knew any better, I would‘ve said that I feel more balanced today than ever before. Instead, I feel free. I’ve learned that “finding balance” is a never-ending battle that I'll never win. On some days, yes, I feel balanced – everything is in flow, my to-do list is crossed off, I took a yoga and CrossFit class that day(!), birds are singing, I made the best coffee ever, etc. – but I know that there will be days or weeks on end when shit just does not add up. I no longer strive for balance, because when one thing goes off kilter, I’ve found myself fighting too hard or wasting energy in that one thing to make sure everything else doesn’t fall off the scale. That shit does not work, at least for me.

Freedom. Agility. Action.

This is what my life is like right now. Having the freedom to decide, to implement, to work around my schedule and my team’s schedule, and the ability to take action on each item.

A few days after I quit, I received a text from a friend that read: “They relied on you to carry their sinking ship.”

And that same day, I came across this article that quoted Warren Buffett:

“Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”

Amen, universe.

what's next?

A week ago I sat down with a group of women whom I had just met that day, sharing what my 5 year career goal is. A week ago, I set my intention to work on one thing that I can do this week to help me towards that goal. A week ago, I said out loud to these women, I will write one post within the week that will help me towards my goal. Alas, here we are, one week later. The point of this is not to tell you what my goal is. Although actually writing it out and sharing with the world will most likely cause me to act on it verses dwell, but whatever, not at this time at least.

The point of this post is to do. Do what you say you’re going to do especially if that means it’s one step closer to your vision.

So, what’s next for me? Creating something that doesn’t exist.  Vague, I know :)

Stay tuned.

i don't have the answers.

I [think I] started a movement. Well… here we are.

Ever since I’ve “escaped” the norm – I’ve been trying so hard to avoid it.

It = Corporate life.

People who’ve left their comfortable jobs have gravitated towards me for guidance - even if they haven’t directly asked me for it.

I take it it’s because I’ve experienced a pinch of what it’s like – I’ve tasted and felt what it’s like to take the leap; and for some people, having a blueprint to follow helps.

However, this is my own route. I’ve created the path for me. It’s time for you to create your own rules. What works (or didn’t) work for me, may or may not work for you.

Navigate with your gut, your feelings and pay attention to what feels good.

In any given situation, don’t allow fear or failure to deter your focus. Use them as a guideline to restructure your outlook.

choose to win.

What do I want to say? This is the first question I always ask myself before I even begin writing.  I read some blogs from my favorite people, listen to some music, take notes, highlight quotes from my favorite books - all in hope to get some inspiration to just start.

I get these urges when I know I have a lot I want to write, yet nothing ever comes out as clear as I’d like it to be – or at least coherent for those of you reading this.

The hardest part is always starting.  Always.

So, what do I want to say?

Life is a big beautiful mess. Everyone is going through it, and there’s no way to go around it or avoid it.

Going through emails, I came across one from Rog on choosing not to fail or choosing to win.  They both mean the same thing, but it’s how you’re perceiving and initiating your choices that make the outlook brighter, and more manageable.

Everyone fails at something in life.  It’s a guaranteed part of being human.  However, mentally preparing yourself for failure won’t get you anywhere.  Feelings of being stuck, or depressed, or unsure-of-what-to-do-next-so-you-don’t-do-anything aren’t pathways that lead to success. Changing your mentality of being capable of actually winning at whatever it is you want to achieve vs. thinking it’s absolutely impossible leads to action.

Asking for help doesn’t hurt the process either. I’ve learned over the course of the years that some of my best ideas, efforts and successes come from being in the trenches – and using my resources to help get me out.

Understanding the depths of each situation and how it makes me feel allows me to move upwards and be proactive in my decisions - in a positive fashion.  Failure is inevitable.  Reaching for the top is a choice; and it’s risky, scary and everything in between – and without a doubt, worth it.

This post is brought to you by: Shiraz (I keep it classy) Sade – Fear Dustin's Music 

thought process.

I’ve been here before. The feelings of frustration, endless list of tasks that need to be done, uncertainty of what’s ahead, the bad habit of self-doubting. There’s a fine line between deciding when to escape and when to dig in. I’ve learned that before I make a decision, I have to find the answer to why I’m feeling this way in the first place. Diving into Pam Slim’s latest book, I came across a quote that instantly gave me some clarity.

“If you can’t change your circumstances, you need to change the way you think about the circumstance.”

Analyzing too much and not actually doing anything to rectify my feelings or the situation I place myself in situations that always leads me to feel stuck. More often than not, it’s rooted in the way I perceive situations or think of what may or may not happen.

Outlining what I’ve done, what I want to accomplish and what I haven’t tried yet - that just might work - aids in my decision to dig a bit further instead of giving up or escaping what’s difficult.

one step at a time.

Spreading myself too thin can be disastrous.  More often than not, I do feel like I am superwoman - daily consumption of coffee (no sugar no cream) & avocados help - but I have learned over and over again, that I cannot do it all. This has been magnified ever since I took ownership in leading and managing a women’s health facility, that has had its share of change over the past few years.

Within my first month of the new position, I encountered what I thought was every worst-case scenario that can happen.  Reminder: I had only been with the company two full-months prior and was still on a massive learning curve of understanding each aspect of the business.

On top of what a general manager is supposed to do on a daily basis, I was traveling – almost every other weekend – because it’s wedding season. Which come to find out is year long. #blessed :) This prevented me from being fully immersed in my job initially, and I often felt guilty for not being there for my staff, because I know they needed and wanted guidance.

Things fell apart because there wasn’t a leader.  I was reacting vs. leading and trying to play catch up at the same time.

Not to say things have slowed down in the least bit, but I have a better grip on this role.  Over the course of three months, I’ve managed to say ‘no’ to a lot more things to allow myself time for things that actually matter: managing and rebuilding my staff.

This stage that I’m in now reminds me of my very first year as a sales coordinator of the HEAT. I’m 90% sure no one knew entirely what the department would look like.  However, we knew where we wanted to be, we had a plan to get there, we had the pieces to make it happen – and a dedicated leader to tie everything together. We created better habits through constant communication of ideas & best practices, we held team-building events to know each other better, and practiced the hard stuff.  The kind of stuff you hate doing, but know you have to do it (re: make X amount of calls a day, role playing, calling that client that you know owes you money but can never get a hold of, cleaning out your inbox).

It’s through my experience of going through the hard times that has helped me handle these worst-case scenarios a lot better than I would have a few years ago. I’ve created enough good habits to outweigh the bad ones, to keep me motivated and driven to make sh*t happen.

Yes, the process can feel overwhelming.  Yes, it does sometimes suck. But I know for a fact that if I dwell in all of the aspects that make me feel overwhelmed, I will never accomplish anything, nor will my team.

If there’s anything that I’ve learned so far in this role, it’s patience.  [Hard] work involves both a commitment of faith and time.

food for thought.

I saw her in a dream. I woke up with my heart beating just as fast as if I had just finished a 100m dash sprint.

I saw her standing at the top of the stairs, in a red long cardigan, something she wore often. I don't remember what she said, but I remember smiling soon afterwards.

Tears are coming down my face as I write this, trying to type as fast as I can while remembering the details.

I want to close my eyes and continue this dream. The images are already fading, but I remember her. I miss her. Her touch, her smell, the way she held me tight. I miss her so much.

I write to remember. To never ever forget. To never hold back on things I should've said. To release. To feel. To share and give.

I woke up with tears coming down my face. With a smile. I'm writing to remember that it's okay to feel.

This post was originally written on 11/21/13 after a nap in between shifts.  It’s dedicated to my maternal grandmother, Nelly Mercier Rigaud, who passed from Alzheimer’s on 11/21/01. 

I spent this weekend watching food documentaries on Netflix: Forks Over Knives which I’ve watched multiple times already, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and a couple “Chew On This” TED talks.  I’ve already pretty much accepted the fact that processed foods are not-so-slowly killing us, and I also contemplated that this might have been the trigger to my grandmother’s disease.

I remember a few years ago my father telling me stories on how he never knew of cancer causing illnesses as he was studying medicine while in Haiti.  A country where the majority of the food was natural, there wasn’t a specific labeling of “organic” because, well, everything that people consumed came from the ground or animals that weren’t fed junk. It wasn’t until he did his residency in the U.S. that cancer and other diseases like Alzheimer’s were beginning to pop up in his studies and practice.  Putting these two places and situations in context, it doesn’t take a scientist or a genius to figure out that eating clean/non-processed foods will probably help to prevent these autoimmune diseases.

Just some food for thought.

on trends.

This post isn’t about fashion, or about gluten-free recipes or 33 ways buzzfeed reads your mind. It’s not about fitting in to be cool or keep up with everyone else. This post is about a trend that isn’t technically what’s hot in the streets.

Being a fitness trainer/consultant/life-coach/mentor/shoulder-to-cry-on/friend, I hear a ton of stories about why the person sitting in front of me wants to change their lifestyle.  I help them uncover a deeper meaning to why they’re having these hour+ long conversations with me, and shed some light on what I recommend for them.

As I'm consulting more, there is a commonality among those I meet. While in NYC, the majority of those I coached wanted to stay fit – meaning, being able to keep up with their kids, stay on track with their sport-specific training (see: marathons) and get clarity so they could focus more on their actual work.  Some common goals: stabilize ankles, improve posture, relieve lower back pain, have energy, get ripped. Done (for the most part).

In Baltimore, there's a deeper lining and factor that comes into play.  It's the actual medical reasons why people are stepping into the gym - to lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol, control blood sugar (see: get off meds). No one wants to be pill popping for the rest of his or her life.  Granted, these health issues could come from genetics, but they’re not concerned about stabilizing their core so they can run better.  Their main goal is to get a good report from their doc each time they visit.  Or, in some extreme amazing cases, pay a lower insurance rate if they are within certain criteria: weight, inches off waist, normal cholesterol levels, etc.

I often think of my own family and health related issues that they have/had and how I could be in a similar position with those I speak to.  It’s a tough pill to swallow (pun not intended, really) to hear stories from women my age (29) or even younger with serious health issues like diabetes, obesity and high cholesterol – some with clean/healthy family histories – and know that it’s probably due to poor nutrition and little exercise.  [Side note: yes, there are a hundred of other factors that could also contribute to these health problems , but lets just all agree that eating clean and exercising consistently could prevent a lot of issues later down the road].

The bottom line is that when someone walks into a gym/fitness center/box, they know that they want to get (or stay) fit.  If there’s anything that I could be 100% certain on, it’s that being proactive in having a healthy lifestyle will always be trending.

Foods to Help Lower Cholesterol Naturally

Do you have high cholesterol? Are you having a tough time figuring out what to eat? Not sure where to begin when you walk into the grocery store? If so, here are some tips for you :)

Genes and gender play a role that can contribute to the development of heart disease or stroke.  However, what we eat (and how often we exercise) plays an important factor as well.

We can control what we eat.

-        Avoid fatty cuts of beef, pork & lamb.  Choose lean meats, or substitute with fish or skinless white-meat poultry. I recommend grass fed or organic meats.

-        Stick to fresh and locally grown produce

-        Shop on the perimeter of your local grocery store

-        Avoid processed foods / food packaged in boxes or cans

Focus on eating food with a low glycemic index, those that are high in fiber and are omega-3 rich.

Foods with low a glycemic index: - Granny Smith apples - Bananas (the greener they are, the lower the glycemic index) - Eggs (preferably cage free) - Lentils - Yogurt (plain) - Nuts & seeds

Foods that are high in fiber: - Carrots - Beets - Broccoli - Spinach - Sweet potatoes - Beans (lima, garbanzo, kidney) - Brown rice

Foods that are rich in omega-3s: - Salmon - Walnuts - Flax seeds - Kale - Strawberries

Sources:

Harvard Health Publications “Glycemic Index and Glycemic load for 100+ foods” http://hvrd.me/1bzdcj6

Dr. Mark Hyman, MD | “7 Tips to Fix Your Cholesterol Without Medication” http://huff.to/1bzdF4Y

a shift in outlook.

A lot has happened since I last published something on here. The irony of my current situation is that my last post was about being organized, and now I’m struggling to find time to dedicate to writing.

I did notice this void over the past couple weeks, and was also reminded to continue (or start) to write despite whatever else is going on in my world.

This is in part to starting a new job, investing [insert percentage that hasn’t been calculated, but it’s probably high] my time into others and prioritizing projects that not only help in my personal development, but also are beneficial to those around me.

Such is life I guess.  A constant search for balance (I blame my sign); figuring out what’s most important, all while remaining present and relevant.

So, with that said, there’s been a shift in my mentality recently. I’ll be completely candid and say that I was struggling to adjust to life outside of NYC a few months ago. I kept denying the fact that this is where I’m supposed to be, I was looking for ways out and caught myself in a state of depression, anxiety and fear.  I selectively chose to depart from things that weren’t fulfilling me anymore so I could fully grasp and take in what is meant for me at this present time.  The moment I clicked out of this mindset and state of denial, I noticed everything and everyone around me a little bit clearer.

I have a job that’s more in-line with my career path - something that enables me to be creative, test and implement ideas, inspire and challenge others to do the same. I have an immeasurable amount of support from my family and I’ve rekindled a friendship that has fired up my life.

Instead of denying or questioning why I’m in this current situation, I’m finally okay with things just the way they are. Where I am now is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Life in suburbia ain’t so bad.

get organized.

Organization….saved my life. So did hip-hop. And CrossFit. True stories, I might tell you later.

But back to organizing.

For the past two months or so, I’ve been cooped up on the couch, sofa, bed, floor….with my Mac, journals, notes, books, magazines and dozens of articles spread out across whatever surface was surrounding me.

There is a perfectly situated desk in my house with pens, and space and other fun things that distract you from doing work, yet I never really contemplated taking over this space because well, there was just stuff piled up from years of neglect.  Stuff as in, 3.5” floppy disks from the early 90s, tokens from Chuck E. Cheese and Discovery Zone (I wanna go back), and “The New American Bible” which was published in 1991.

I finally decided that today was time to get rid of all this junk and make space for my work.  I’m most productive when I feel that I’m organized and have a designated spot to focus on what needs to be done, versus doing it where I sleep/eat/nap… you get the gist.

So as I cleared up the space, reminisced on my pre-teen years of entering commands in MS-DOS and partying at DZ, I made room for clarity.

Just within the hour I’ve focused on what needs to get done immediately. I have my vision board (almost) set up on the wall next to the desk [IKEA tends to forget to let you know that you need to purchase screws to mount things] and I have a better idea of how to structure each piece that’s needed for me to succeed.

I’m a visual learner and work best when 1. I’m organized and 2. I can actually see what needs to be done by laying/writing out everything.

I have everything that I need to succeed…an organized desk (and comfy chair) help too.

reflections on the road to authenticity.

I shouldn’t have waited this long to write. 63 days ago, I started a challenge (for myself) to write at least 300 words (and publish) every day up until October 6th.  That didn’t quite happen.  I ended up publishing 38 days out of this experiment. This was a tough assignment I gave myself as it was harder than I thought it would be.  There were days where the last thing I wanted to do was write, I made excuses not to publish and put too much pressure on myself to get something out knowing that it wouldn’t be a piece of significance.  However, I’ve learned quite a few things along the way:

1. Nobody cares how often I write (and it’s okay)

2. Those who do care want me to continue writing

So, I write for them – which in turn – is also for me.  14,050 words later, I realize that these posts have been a reflection of my road to authenticity. To knowing my true self, which is simultaneously painful and delightful.

For me, the process of expressing my thoughts on here has been the outcome of these feelings.  Who I am is the perfect combination of these sentiments. No one will know the pains and joys I felt that helped inspire a particular post, but as a result, I’ve been exposed more than ever and somehow my stories have resonated with at least one person.

I’ve written the most on a consistent basis in these past six weeks. The stroke of the keys flow much smoother each time I write.  I pay attention to everything I come across that day which in turn influences my story and journey.  I’ve been exposed to beautiful music that facilitates my thought process and gives me clarity to compose a story in a way that reflects my experience in the simplest way.

I’m satisfied with my progress, but I also know there’s room for improvement, and the only way that’s possible is to keep writing.

play it safe for once.

Do I give up the challenge and go for an easy way out? Do I lean towards something that provides security and a safety net? Do I follow the path where there’s a plan already laid out for me, or do I continue on the path of the unknown? I’m in another unique point in my life where I’m at the fork in the road.  One path looks clear, simple and safe while the other is covered with webs and looks too treacherous to step towards.  I can continue to push myself and walk through this unknown territory, weaving my way through a complex web of uncertainty or take the easy way out, so to speak.

So I ask myself, what do I need right now?  Stability, income, routine, structure. The idea of knowing what’s important and needed immediately can help with my next step towards progress. Going over the edge without a clear idea of what’s needed in the present moment can be destructive to obtaining a goal.  It sometimes feels like I’m falling and am trying to grab on to whatever feels right and looks good at the time, but once I grab on, it’s still not pulling me up to safety.

Of course the more I lean in towards a challenge, the more I grow and learn about myself.  There are a million (didn’t count) quotes and articles on this very topic of living out of your comfort zone and lately, I’ve been hesitant to play it safe.  It’s fun not to conform, to dance on the edge a bit, but maybe at this point in time I just need to go back to what’s familiar.  To regroup, recharge and get back in the flow of things.  Maybe instead of constantly throwing myself over this cliff, it’s time to just hang out right alongside the rim…to be safe (for now).

face your challenges.

“You are the fearless.” These were the first few words Edith said to the class. Then followed up with “I must’ve scared everyone else off last week.” Some people laughed while I immediately got tense amidst the sweltering 90+ degree room thinking what the hell happened last week?

I really didn’t have an idea what I signed up for. I just knew it was a hot yoga 1.5 hour session.  The style? No clue. The teacher? Didn’t even glance.

Sometimes I don’t like to prep myself up for a workout.  I rarely look to see what a WOD is posted, going in with the intention to adapt to whatever I’ll be in store for.  This class was no different.

The room wasn’t that packed, maybe 15 people at the most; a few guys, majority women.  Maybe the rest of the room knew what was about to happen? I still had no clue.

After lying in shavasana for about five minutes, she turns up her iPod to a mix of energetic, yet ambient music that immediately sets the tone for the rest of the 85-minute class. The sounds of heavy, but steady breathing complimented the intensity of the music, and it was invigorating.

We went through a series of chaturanga into upward and downward dogs, leaping to the front of the mat going into swan dives and repeating this cycle - all to the pace of the powerful music.

She gave us a break once we’ve all got the flow of the movements down, to challenge us into leaping properly, and falling into chaturanga skipping the plank.

These breaks in between each set of cycles challenged us further.  To make that first leap, to hold that pose for 5 more breaths, to ripping off the band-aid so to speak, and performing (and holding) the wheel pose for about 8 deep breaths. Three times.  She pushed all of us to go after each thought of “I don’t think I can do/hold this pose” and helped us improve.  With her help, I did my first handstand and held it for two seconds.  Maybe it was three. [Cues Aubrey Graham: “When’s the last time you did something for the very first time?”]

Today marks exactly one year since I’ve started publishing (most of) what I write.  Reflecting on my first post, I can say that I’ve made some life-changing decisions and have continued to be up for a challenge.  Whether it’s been self-imposed or brought on by a coach, make that leap towards it.  The result, for me at least, has been a feeling of openness, accomplishment and just being bad-ass.  And yes, being fearless too.

infinite possibilites.

I first heard of Ish during my second full week of living in NYC.  I remember this day vividly.  I was still in flux with where I was going to stay for the next few months, I was going on maybe two-full hours of sleep and had recently just started a new job.  By 5’oclock when I came back to what was my temporary home in Chelsea, the first thing I did was chug grab a glass of wine.  It was one of those days. Scrolling through Facebook, I came across a spoken-word/poetry event being hosted by Greenlight Bookstore – which ranks as one of my favorite bookstores I’ve been to.  The event was starting in an hour so I rushed to get dressed and pretty much ran to the train so I could get there on time.

The front of the store was converted to fit about 30 people seated in folding chairs, while others could stand behind.  I was lucky enough to find a seat in the third row, surrounded by people of all ages and races. I can’t remember the order of poets/authors who spoke, but each one was incredibly remarkable.  They picked out their favorite stories to share and illustrating their thoughts in our minds as they spoke aloud.

Ishmael’s stories resonated with me the most.  Spinning off of an emotional week, let alone day, this is exactly what I needed to here at the time.  Now seven months later, I came across a poem in his book titled “Tramontane” which illustrates the correlation of fear and the depths of our feelings.

“Wonders as to why the highest altitude gives us the most butterflies. Why the kiss one will cherish most lies in the zenith of a ferris wheel.” – Ishmael “Ish” Islam (Tramontane)

To do the scariest and what seem to be impossible projects end up being the ones you cherish the most.  It’s by navigating the depths of self that open the window to infinite possibilities.

unity.

I wasn’t expecting anything out of what I wrote yesterday, but there were quite a few people reading. The best way for me to express what I’m thinking is through writing, and somehow this has united hundreds of people together, some of whom I will probably never meet, who have shared their thoughts and support.

“L’union fait la force” is a phrase that is inscribed on the Haitian flag.  It means, “Strength in Unity” or “Unity makes Strength” depending on who you ask, (or which translation service you use). This comes to mind after seeing the number of visits this post has drawn out.

It brought me to the thought of family, and what it means to me.  Yes, there’s the obvious blood relation that automatically makes you family, but there’s also the deep connection and bond each person is capable of creating within a group – that feels like family.

Although the outcome isn’t something any of us wanted, and it’s difficult to understand why it happened, what builds us back up is unity amongst a family.  Although not blood related, there’s still such a strong foundation and support built around a team of people you’ve shared highs and lows with.  And no matter what, they will be there to support you.

For me, family is a combination of choice and serendipity.  Gravitating to those who are like you, who share your common values is somewhat of a choice.  But the reason why we all somehow manage to meet and work with incredible people is serendipitous. Somehow the universe just knows who you should meet at a certain time in your life and there’s a reason behind it.

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” - Rumi

a dedication to Jess.

Life is funny sometimes. After spending a few days this past weekend celebrating love, friendship and unity amongst friends and family and coming off an incredible high from it, I was told today that my dear friend and former colleague, Jessica LaBonte has passed.

She had suffered a battle with cancer and I had heard some news just 11 days ago that things were not looking too good.  At that point I was reminded of a few things, but what stands out the most is life isn’t short.  It’s full, and long and bountiful.  Life is meant to be lived to the fullest; everything that is meant to be will be.

Her love and passion for life (and her teams!) was full and she absolutely loved the Miami HEAT.

She always put others ahead of herself.  From taking me to and from Ft. Lauderdale Airport (a 30+ mile drive each way from both of our apartments) to doing everything she could to provide and help her clients at each HEAT game and event - her love for others was contagious.  She dedicated her life to help and service as many people as she could.

My favorite memory of her was when she sent me a text on ring day last year saying that Dwyane Wade had personally handed her her 2012 NBA Championship Ring.  "Shaking and almost in tears" was her reply after I told her "the world needs to see how amazing you are" (by posting the pics online :)). Today, a few members of the team and HEAT Family have posted pictures and updates in memory of her.

The world now knows, Jess.

I will miss her laugh, her smile, her incredible and hilarious stories, and our conversations during those car rides.

I dedicate this post and my passion for life to you, Jess.  May you no longer suffer, continue to shine wherever you are and watch over all of us.

Jess

lean wit it...

So for the past eight days, I’ve been focusing on shedding fat leaning out in preparation for my cousin’s wedding this weekend.  My training workout last week consisted of 4 days of CrossFit (lifting moderately heavy weight) and a yoga session to end the week.  This week I’m focusing solely on cardio intensive workouts meaning I’m running longer distances in addition to doing sprint intervals, every day. I’ll rest on Thursday.  I cut out all forms of sugar, with the exception of eating one banana right before one of the CF workouts, and focused on eating lean proteins (chicken breast, salmon) and complex carbs (carrots, zucchini) and green leafy vegetables (kale – lots of kale). I’m also drinking a ton of water. Prior to this, I had been lifting heavy stuff, running 3-ish miles every other day and taking in more protein than carbs and fat (with the exception of avocados….I could and often do eat a small one every day).  This was in preparation for right now.  I feel stronger and more powerful in my legs which helps when I’m running up these Maryland hills and my VO2 max has significantly improved. Again, I haven’t measured, but I definitely am running for longer periods of time at a faster pace.  (I should start measuring these things…).

I’m not the one to step on a scale to gauge my progress.  I just want to feel good in my clothes and see some muscle definition in areas that always need to be taken care of (arms, butt, and belly :)).  I’ve done the obsession with stepping on a scale every morning in the past, and it became discouraging as I didn’t know the difference between muscle fat and body fat and why I was weighing more even though I appeared to be leaner.  Then I learned…never to step on a scale again. :)

With the exception of this past Sunday (#cheatday), I’ve been eating clean and I feel amazing in my clothes.  After the wedding I’ll go back to a strength training routine mixed with yoga for a few weeks, and I’ll track my progression with updates as I see fit.

Maybe I’ll post some recipes too.

what's your worth?

“The key to this joint, the key to staying on top of things is treat everything like it's your first project. Like it's your first day like back when you [were] an intern…like, that's how you try to treat things like, just stay hungry.” – Notorious B.I.G.

I heard this quote for the first time on Jay-Zs “My 1st Song” track and it obviously resonated with me.  As I’m navigating through the web of being an entrepreneur, I face numerous challenges.  The two that stand out the most for me at least in this point in time are:

1. staying motivated and hungry – every single day

2. determining what my time is worth

...and I believe these two go hand-in-hand.

If you were to do a certain task – and get paid to do so – how much would this project be worth? This may be a simple answer for someone who is contract based or is a freelancer, but not many people may think along these terms, especially those working in a salary-based paid position.

I can honestly say that this never crossed my mind while working with my previous employer.  Yes, I worked hard, yes, I finished projects within a deadline, but I never really thought about the breakdown of what my time is worth based off of each project I did.  I remember there were times when a specific task would take me hours to do and I had wished there was a way to outsource the work, but I never put a price tag on it.  I thought in terms of – how could I complete the most amount of work as quickly as possible.

Figuring out how much time I spend on research, program design, phone calls, coaching, etc. is all relevant to how much I charge.  When there’s no fixed or guaranteed income (re: salary) I should be more motivated to do the work.  Unfortunately, I’ve created a habit from the past that has been difficult to break. The good news? If I don’t break this habit, no one wins.

quick reminder.

I received some news today that made my heart heavy.  I spent the next few hours questioning why, feeling so helpless, not knowing what to say or do, and all I could do was pray.  Pray for no more suffering. All this “doing,” trying to improve, make the world a better place, etc…. no matter what you do, life hits you. And sometimes it hits incredibly hard.

In this moment, I was quickly reminded that it’s never about me.  I was quickly reminded how much I miss people that played a huge role in my life – people that I haven’t talked to in months.  How simple it is to just reply back to that text, or send an email or call – to just say hi and tell them you miss and love them.

With this in mind, I spent the majority of today reflecting, being more in tune with those I care about (including myself) and I feel renewed.  Hot yoga tonight helped too. An 8pm 1.5-hour class on a Friday night – jam-packed – in a room set to 90 degrees Fahrenheit.  It was beautiful and refreshing to know I wasn’t the only one (in addition to the Yogi) who would much rather spend my Friday night there than at a bar.

Through that session, I let go of every doubt and expectation I had prior to stepping into the studio.  I let go of things I can’t control.  I came out refreshed, feeling brand new, and content with everything that has happened up to this point – the good and the not so good.

My point of this is to let you know that I appreciate you for taking the time to read this, even if I don’t know you.  Let this be a reminder to you as well, to let that person know you’re thinking of them.  You never know, it could mean the world.