Purpose

Accidental Marathon

For a long while, I debated whether or not to go back to school after taking a 9-year hiatus from undergrad. In the back of my mind, I was thinking that colleges and universities weren't closing anytime soon, I was frustrated with my experience during my anticipated final semester, and I made my way this far in my career - why would I consider going back? Well, life has a funny way of telling you things you need to hear, and it took a handful of people and conversations to encourage me to pursue Higher Ed considering where I want to be ~10 years from now, personally and professionally (if there's such a thing as separating the two). Doing my own thing, following my passion, doing I what I love... all the inspirational quotes you see pop up on your IG feed, I pursued. And it was difficult, especially because I was trying to "fulfill my dreams" while making money at the same time and jumping over to another project that excited me, without finishing what I started. However, I'll say I wouldn't have these last 5 years and some change any other way. There are countless lessons I've learned, some pitfalls I could've avoided had I just asked for help, and relationships that could have either been avoided or repaired had I chose to stay in one particular role and location.

Recently during an interview, I was asked: if you had to pick one, making money or helping people. (*in my head* I want to make a sh*t ton of money and help people, why do I have to pick one?!) I replied with, make an impact, help people, and make money while doing those things. The jury is still out determining whether or not that answer landed me the job.

If there was a title to this chapter in my life, it'd be called Patience: Just What the Doctor Ordered. By definition, Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. At this point, I believe that patience requires an understanding of what you want + what you bring to the table. I know what I want, I know what I'm capable of bringing, and I also know that that there are tools to help me finesse said capabilities: see education. Which brings me to this notion of an accidental marathon. Or at least to the realization that I don't have to jump to 'the next thing' because it sounds intriguing.

An accidental marathon, in this case, means that I'm taking the time to fine tune what I'm really great at, this time with a plan.

 

realism mixed with pessimism

I'd consider myself an optimistic person, even during our current shifts in power. Although, recently when I heard Chimamanda speak, she described that activism in this moment should be realism mixed with pessimism. I still have grand visions to live in a better world that almost feels like a utopia and create opportunities for my future kid(s), and understandably so, often times it feels that's a heavy burden to carry.

What keeps me sane and hopeful, yet confronted with reality, is putting myself in positions that challenge my thinking and the way I see the world. This means if I want to work with kids, I have to understand how the education system works, by getting involved with local schools. If I want to bridge gaps I see from a public health lens, I have to understand who the policy makers are and the communities that they are looking to serve. If I want to create a business that has yet to exist, I have to educate myself on how to monetize this idea.

Digging deep into these areas isn't pretty, but it's necessary. And some of this work won't be published or noticed or praised, but that's not the point.

 

on decision making

Soon after I finished my internship with the Heat, I was on the job hunt. I worked a few months in retail to cover basic expenses but was still drawn to working in sports and wanted to find my way back in the industry. I applied and scored interviews with a few major league teams in South Florida, and if there's one common factor about working in the sports industry it's that everyone knows everyone - regardless of which sport you work for.

Blessed with being a libra and someone who wants to try everything at least once, at times I'm conflicted on what choice to make when faced with two great opportunities. #firstworldproblems

One day in Spring 2007, I received an offer to work for the Dolphins. The next day, my former boss at the Heat called and told me there's a position available starting that June. Small world, indeed.

Filled with excitement mixed with anxiety, I remember watching an intense and close NCAA basketball game that evening talking through the decision with my then boyfriend on what team I should work for. Whatever team ended up winning (my memory isn't the best), I'd take the Heat position.

Most choices I've been faced with have been decided in a similar fashion. Instead of over analyzing why one place or job or restaurant is the better option for me, I resort to a little twist of fate. Flip a coin or if XYZ team wins then I'll go here, if they lose, I'll go here instead.

Luckily the outcome of the game back in March 2007 helped finesse my most exciting career for the next five years.

conversations with a cop.

Understanding my mindset is pretty simple.  I live a good life filled with yoga, joyful kids, a supportive family & set of friends, all of which is the basic recipe for being stress-free.  I'm a mediator, a libra, a feminist and an empath, and it may appear that there's not too much I could ever be angry or worried about, but I still do at times because I care. I care about a lot of topics that encompass social justice, human rights, mental health, physical health, health in general, biohacking, sports and whatever #blacktwitter is discussing. I care about people who've had their voices stifled, those who've lost hope,  those who've managed to use blinders to protect themselves from the light that can save them.

My abilities to have unusual conversations, anything not related to the weather, what you do or who you're dating; but everything related to how you feel,  who do you want to be and who do you want to help & how, are at the forefront of discussion. I'm an INFP.  I take pride in knowing that I've fostered a sense of encouragement that leads to growth and progress of those I care about.

My squad consists of social entrepreneurs, physicians, teachers, pharmacists and cops.  Actually, just one cop.

Anyway, our conversations generally get deep, insightful, humorous and provocative as we each not only share thoughts but ask why.    With friends like these, you have a higher purpose - a mission that's bigger than the self.  And you know it, they know it, we all feel it and we show up more powerful in the world we live because of this discourse.

Understanding and sensing how people think and feel is pretty much my forte.  I can sense if you're bluffing (outside of poker) and I can sense if you need to dig deeper into your work or move on to the next thing.  Having a diverse set of friends provides me with a wide range of perspective and enormous amounts of empathy.

Recently, I caught up with a friend who's black, who's a male and who's a cop in America.  Which isn't the toughest job in this country, but I digress.

Navigating what my cop friend sees by provoking the why's - that I graciously adopted from my 2.5 year old nephew who asks "why" after I say anything - allowed me to dig up enough fuel to help him see what I see.

He recently posted a picture, defending his peers for what they're doing "right" which made me slightly disturbed.  Protecting and highlighting those who "safely" arrest people by not choking them to death or shooting someone in the leg instead of their 12-year-old chest, isn't the point.

Highlighting (or blaming) the 1% of cops who aren't trained properly to do their job isn't the point either, but it's the start at scratching the surface of unraveling what is so deeply rooted in our history.

I'm not a full-time activist, psychologist, analyst or history buff.  However, I am a concerned human who understands the importance of basic human rights, and will dig deep into how I can use my strengths to fight for justice.

He asked me to write up some inspirational mojo/carpe diem type stuff after we linked up, so I did - but I got very real with him and didn't sugar coat much.  It'd be safe to tell him "yolo, keep doing what you're doing!" but I didn't.  I was blunt, honest and direct because I care.

It's difficult following a path if you're trying to change the culture of an environment that you're not even passionate or concerned about.  If you don't even enjoy who you're surrounding yourself with, why try to change them? It's more important to build a new tribe of those you enjoy being around, those who you want to help.  If you're in a position of power, use your skills and knowledge constructively, to teach and show others what you see.  It could save a life and create a better environment for future generations.

 

anger matters.

There are times I want to scream and shout out loud "WHAT THE [redacted] IS HAPPENING IN OUR WORLD?!"   whenever I step outside, but I’m humbly reminded by folks like my parents, that this has been going on for a long long time.  I get angry and amazed because it seems that they’re not even phased by this, but I understand they’re tired too. They’ve they’ve marched, they’ve spoken up, they’ve protested; and it’s the same story, the same fight. The difference now is that because of what they went through, they’re sharing are their experiences of the injustice, the battles they’ve fought, the tears and blood they shed to protect what’s theirs. These stories in itself are worth our efforts to speak up about what’s currently happening in this present moment.

Those who seem to never be heard, the stories that seem to always be in drafts and never sent, are finally having their voices amplified. #blacktwitter, Abernathy, Blavity – are all sounding boards and projects built from people like me who are frustrated. This is our therapy, a space where we can actually voice our opinions, and we’re finally getting noticed.

So, what’s next?

Use this anger, rage, aggression – this negative energy – to create and do something meaningful. Manifest your thoughts into something that can uplift, inspire and ultimately change the environment you want to live in. Anger turns into pride, which turns to courage, then willingness, acceptance and ultimately peace, when used constructively.

It’s not going to happen immediately, but continue to speak up. Your voice & creations will plant the seeds for our future, with the hopes of saving our lives that matter.

tragedy into triumph.

I remember asking my dad one evening what he thinks it will take to fix Haiti’s situation (poor infrastructure, poverty levels, government issues, etc.). Although I don’t remember his exact verbiage, it was something along the lines of: Haiti may need to be wiped out completely for the people to start all over and rebuild. This conversation was about a year before the 2010 earthquake struck the country.

The moment the quake hit, I remember the conversation my dad and I had, and immediately thought, well shit…is this what he meant by starting all over? I cringe at the thought and the uncanny feeling I get even typing these words, but it [sadly] took one of the most devastating natural occurrences to strike this country for the world to see and pay attention to this place.

In the wake of the police brutality that seems as if it’s never disappearing, and the fact that it actually happened in the city I was born, reminds me of what my dad said.  Sometimes it may take something drastic/tragic/devastating for people to pay attention.

As I navigate my life and create a vision and opportunities for myself that only appear when I speak my truths, see what’s missing and actually set action plans towards what I want for my life, I often recognize my choices and actions stemming from a tragic event that happened.

This isn’t anything really surprising. There are stories and songs that end up being uplifting and beautiful but it stems and was created from a place of pain or despair. There’s a reason why some of my favorite songs [Lauryn Hill’s 'Ex-factor' or Bob Marley’s Redemption Song] come from a place of pain or tragedy. The irony is not lost on me.

Some people take a shift in their careers/outlooks on life/their purpose after there has been death in a family, a major relationship break-up or they’ve been forced to do so [e.g. job loss].

A tragedy is a tragedy and some may seem bigger or more important than others, but the point is that there’s a noticeable shift in what’s happening. It’s affecting the way I see the world and what actions I can set in place to ensure I’m contributing to something bigger than myself. 

why I left Miami.

“Do you miss it?” Of course! “But you worked for THE HEAT!” Yes, and it was one of the greatest experiences thus far.

These questions often come up once I share my story with others. Fun times, and I love sharing this part of my life with them.

Most people associate leaving a job as a bad thing especially when it entails working in the sports & entertainment industry...and having LeBron James as one of your colleagues. [This in itself is a story for a different time].

I left because I felt a piece of my soul breaking through the shell I created and built during my tenure there. I craved expansion and a new experience and change. I wanted something different and unfamiliar, which was scary as hell, but I leapt and left anyways.

Sometimes it’s exhausting explaining this to someone who’s never taken a leap (leaving a job or place) in their lives, but most times I find myself inspiring and motivating those I speak to, to challenge themselves to do something different than they’ve had in the past. I don’t jump the gun and tell them to quit everything and just go, but it’s along that path [smile].

In Miami, nothing changes for the most part. The seasons consist of hot, really hot, rainy and hurricane season. You know what to expect.

Because of this consistency, it’s a black hole for people to be complacent. Granted, I’m not implying that people who live there don’t do and create wonderful things, but there’s a reason why people choose to retire in South Florida. “Permanent vacation mode” is the mindset and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We all need breaks in our lives and Miami is a great place for that. [s/n: not to get into a complete rabbit hole of why Miami is amazing, but it is a fantastic city to experience at least once in your life and I recommend everyone to try it].

I spent close to 10 years living there, in a period of my life where I kind of thought I was an adult because I was “on my own.” This city raised me. I loved every minute of it. However, I only knew so much to get by – which turned out just fine – but I physically felt that I wasn’t growing. I wanted a new challenge.

You see, when you’re forced to adapt you are automatically put in a position where you have to make a choice. On a literal sense, where I’m from, I was used to having seasons. I was forced to prepare myself for winter by buying boots and a heavy coat. When it’s below 20 degrees consistently for a month on end, I had to make a choice. Do I get out of bed to go workout? or do I stay here because it’s comfortable. Most often, I caught myself staying in because who-the-hell-wants-to-work-out-at-6am-in-December.

In Miami, every day was beautiful. It was easy to just put on some shorts and a top, walk out the door and head to CrossFit, at 6am. It was 70 degrees! The discipline wasn’t really needed, or rather it wasn’t even tested.

Do you know how hard it is to talk yourself into getting out of bed during the winter when it’s negative 10 outside?! Discipline is a helluva habit. Living in Miami taught me how to create (and break) habits. Leaving Miami taught me how to let go and trust the process.

I loved and still love the city, but that doesn’t equate to me staying. Once I let go of the attachment to the physical aspect of this place and resisting the urge to leave, I took the leap and blossomed as a result.

bridge the gap.

There’s an opportunity for you to expand and evolve into something greater than what is right now. Seeing what’s missing (in your life, your community, your job) and even that feeling that you know you can do more, is the core of what you need to uncover and dig up. What can you improve on? How can you make what you do best, better? This really is about you – and what you can unfold and share with the world. The only way to do so is to do the inner work. Navigate what’s holding you back, why certain things you see or people you interact with trigger a particular emotion.

A few weeks ago, I went to hear Brandon Stanton (the “Humans of New York” guy) speak at Johns Hopkins. He’s not the greatest speaker, nor is he the greatest photographer. My intention wasn’t to hear about how he takes pictures. My intention was to learn and take away one thing that is different about him as a photographer, that no one else has really mastered yet.

He’s mastered the art of talking to strangers, and more importantly, getting over the fear of rejection and approaching them. To some, he may be at the peak of his “career,” but he’s just getting started. He acknowledged that he has accomplished fame or success rather quickly, but that was never his goal. With each picture, story and caption he’s captured, he’s always looking to make his art better. Not for us, for the media or for the fame – but for himself.

Whatever it is you do, keep building, brick by brick for you. Only you know what’s keeping you from success, from being the best version of you – which in essence, is the greatest art you can share with the world.

project update.

After Ruckusmakers, I had about 20 different ideas that following Monday. All of these ideas were related to fitness, to kids and specifically female middle school aged minorities in the Baltimore community. They were just grand ideas, with no business plan or concept on how this could generate money, or more importantly how this could impact change in the way that I’d like it to. 30 days later, my B.H.A.G. (big hairy audacious goal) hasn’t changed; however, what has was what I focused on immediately. After speaking and sharing my ideas to a few Ruckusmakers and very close friends of mine, one in particular mentioned for me to take a step back and focus on me for a second.

With all of my grand ideas, none of which focused on what would make an impact (monetary) immediately, and even if it didn’t, there was still something within me that has been blocking or preventing me from taking the bold steps to initiate said project.

So it started with a memoir or manifesto of sorts. After having a breakthrough (or breakdown) and feeling a bit emotionally overwhelmed one evening in front of my friend, the highlight of our conversation was when I was directed to write a 5-page manifesto of my life. This was my project. There needs to be an immense amount of time, focusing on myself and digging up any blocks or situations that happened in my life that would come to the surface to shed some light on why or what I’ve been hiding for so long.

So, I wrote and shipped this memoir one week later on April 2nd

From my initial post declaring what my project will be, I’ve declared that there’s no rush, and I can still incorporate my memoir to discover how to navigate to connect the dots to create this yoga movement/festival in Baltimore by August 2016.

Now, I’m focusing on creating and writing a set of e-books based on the common themes that kept coming up while writing this manifesto.

Fitness.

Commitments.

Identity.

My intention is to publish my first e-book on at least one of these themes by June 30th, 2015.

 

owning your future.

This morning I had the privilege of being one of the judges for Roland Park Middle School’s elevator pitch competition. About 40 seventh grade students are enrolled in an entrepreneurship course, designed by N.F.T.E., a non-profit organization that I proudly volunteer for. More info on them can be found here.

Each student presented their 30 to 60 second business idea in front of a panel of judges, some nervously speaking in front of a classroom, conveniently forgetting to mention the name of their company.  But mostly, there were others speaking proudly & enthusiastically about their idea.

Creative in their own way, “B-more Bubbly” is a natural & locally sourced bath products company founded by two girls with the exact personality that fits the name. “The Kleb” featured two boys who are artists who want to create a space & platform for other artists to share their work.  And “Getting Through This Together” is a non-profit founded by two girls, focusing on creating a safe space for young kids with mental health disorders to bond.

The beauty behind each presentation was that they were each inspired by their own ideas, some of whom partnered with friends who have a strength that could amplify the business if they join together.

These kids believe 1000000% in their idea. They are in this prime time of their lives where they have no fear and anything and everything is available to them. Which made me think of the bazillion ideas I why I’ve been hesitant to express them. When did I lose this enthusiasm?!

I left with about 5 new business cards. From seventh graders. They were more prepared than I was as I quickly remembered that I need to order my own business cards. #fail

Times have changed, and I’m excited for their our future. What’s important now, is that we continue to nurture these kids and give them feedback and the tools to help them cultivate their craft.

In the span of just under 2 hours, I was reminded of how important it is to voice your idea. Even if it sucks. There’s no use of keeping it to yourself when there are people to support and encourage you to follow your dreams, or at  the very least, encourage you to think & dream bigger.

but, what if it works?

These are the first five words that are written in my journal.  It's always exciting to start fresh, and it can be scary, but only if you let it. Ways to shift your mindset from scary to "I got this":

Prep.  Whatever you plan on doing for the day, week, month or next 90 days, prep for it.  I started writing down my ideas, formulating plans to make those ideas actually come to life, and took action each day towards them.  Ordering the passion planner helped with this process.

Like most of you, I intentionally started a resolution on January 1st to commit to writing every single day for at least 15 minutes.  This is something that I've committed to, with the exception of one day where I can't remember why I didn't write.  I didn't beat myself up because of this, but I did acknowledge that I missed a day, and kept writing anyways.

Keep it simple. Create a mantra or something you can repeat that's positive and will move you towards your goal.  "But, what if it works?" Is a simple way to keep this momentum going - to keep whatever you set your mind to to actually come to life.

One of my favorite podcasts that nails the effectiveness of simplicity is this.  Don't over complicate, over analyze or over think what you're doing.  Progress is made in small steps.

Move. Move your thoughts to paper.  Move your body. Stop complaining that you're too tired, or too cold or too [any other excuse] that prevents you from being the best version of you.  You just have to make a choice and go out and do it.

The absolute worst thing that can happen is that what you decide doesn't work and you have to try again. You'll still survive and at least have a story to tell.

defining purpose.

For the first time since 2012 I feel that I have a sense of purpose and something to work towards. In the course of these 3 years I’ve failed, succeeded, gave up, tried again, and started from scratch all with the purpose of finding out who the hell I am. This takes practice, spending time alone, writing and saying no to a lot of people. I’ve defined what I want to create in this world and I have to do everything that I can to help those dreams become a reality. I’m no longer distracted from the outside world because I’ve created habits* that keep me focused.

*Disclaimer: this is an ongoing process.

The short version and answer: it takes hard work, focus and dedication.

However, what it starts with is making sure to have a clear vision set.

This allows me to practice what I preach, to have somewhat of a blueprint for others to follow or use as their guide – although I know every single person will have a different framework for making their dreams become a reality.

My job right now is to help facilitate that path. To get people moving in the literal form through physical movement, but also get their minds moving, and to continuously stay moving on the path towards their goals and even redefining them along the way.

What made me decide that this is my path? It just felt right. It aligns with how I want to feel and what I want to do every single day:

  • meditate
  • write
  • sweat
  • connect
  • feel free
  • inspire
  • transform
  • progress
  • be bold
  • be daring
  • be adventurous

Some simple strategies that may help you figure this out:

  1. Know when to say no to things that may disappoint others.
  2. Understanding the value and importance of your decision.
  3. Understanding the why behind it.
  4. Write down your goals. What you’re thinking and feeling. Don’t think about them. Write.them.down.

I believe a lot of this takes practice. Some people are lucky to find their path to success/happiness/enlightenment at an early stage. Others, have to throw out ideas, see what sticks try and fail hundreds of times, to see what works – and what you align yourself with.

At the end of the day, do work that matters & do what feels right.

“Risk the narrative and make a difference.” – Seth Godin

vision and goals.

I have dreams to move mountains. To spark the light in a young girl’s soul that allows her to take leaps beyond measures, beyond the smartest boy in her class, to become the next President, CEO, head coach, mentor…in her community, in the world. The fuel that drives me: the gaps I see in my community. The “missing” girls that I know who would LOVE to be part of this adventure, this journey. The girls who I have yet to reach out to…those whom I’ve yet to find.

So, how do I bridge this gap?

By choosing myself.  Taking action to put myself in a position to create change, to create what I want to see in this world that will create a domino affect to help others.

It's time for me to [continue to] take leaps and move mountains.

young girls, dream on.

To the girl who says her vision is too optimistic. To the girl who crumbles up her dreams.

To the girl who doesn’t know what to write.

To the girl who’s peaking at her neighbor’s paper.

To the girl who wants to fit in.

To the girl who wants to stand out.

To the girl that feels lost.

To the girl who’s parents said no

…to writing down your dreams.

To the girl who couldn’t find a ride.

To the girl who was forced to be here.

To the girl who’s scared of what’s to come.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not have a clue what to do. Just remember, try to listen to your heart & not your ego. Follow how you want to feel – whatever that may be: happy, free, energetic, surrounded by joy.

But always, always remember, it’s never too late to follow your wildest dreams, whatever they may be.

xo

when in doubt, follow how you want to feel.

I don’t think I realized how bad everything was until I got a phone call that jump started this next chapter in my life. The message: “You are not happy.”

Having someone actually say this out loud – to me – was a slap in the face, in the best way possible.

The first three months of 2014 were hellacious. Then the months that followed up until the day I left just felt as if I were playing catch up. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything meaningful, I wasn’t showing up fully, and my mood and energy levels were the pits. I had been going through the motions, not realizing that my actions (or lack there of) were affecting how others see me, and ultimately, how I felt.

Rewind to last year. I had a choice between two jobs. One that sounded fun, cool and all the things you should totally go for, but also very unfamiliar to me. The other? Completely familiar and fell in line with what I had already had some experience in – plus – it was more financially stable. I deferred to the familiar (read: comfortable) territory. In hindsight, the irony of my decision is that I’m always mentioning to friends, and constantly reminding myself to do things that scare you and make you uncomfortable – and I didn’t even take my own advice!

This time around when I knew and felt that I had to get out of this environment, I also had a choice between two jobs. This time, I trusted my gut and made the decision based on the sole factor that every fiber of my being wanted to feel free. The minute I received the offer, I literally felt lighter. I had dug myself a hole and fought with my own thoughts thinking that I’m just having a bad day or a bad few weeks, but that phone call changed the game. I shifted my pieces and made moves to launch me in a different direction.

So, I quit. Again.

Sidenote: Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map has been extremely beneficial this past year, and I owe a lot to her for helping me get some clarity on how I want to feel in my life.

I’m in full swing of my new job, new position and entirely new field.  Now, I’m:

  • Free to make decisions based on helping others.
  • Free to plan my off days however I want, without being paranoid on missing out on important emails.
  • Free to take ownership in leadership, development and actual things that matter that will help my team.
  • Free to share my ideas with those who are like me.

Before I knew any better, I would‘ve said that I feel more balanced today than ever before. Instead, I feel free. I’ve learned that “finding balance” is a never-ending battle that I'll never win. On some days, yes, I feel balanced – everything is in flow, my to-do list is crossed off, I took a yoga and CrossFit class that day(!), birds are singing, I made the best coffee ever, etc. – but I know that there will be days or weeks on end when shit just does not add up. I no longer strive for balance, because when one thing goes off kilter, I’ve found myself fighting too hard or wasting energy in that one thing to make sure everything else doesn’t fall off the scale. That shit does not work, at least for me.

Freedom. Agility. Action.

This is what my life is like right now. Having the freedom to decide, to implement, to work around my schedule and my team’s schedule, and the ability to take action on each item.

A few days after I quit, I received a text from a friend that read: “They relied on you to carry their sinking ship.”

And that same day, I came across this article that quoted Warren Buffett:

“Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”

Amen, universe.

what's next?

A week ago I sat down with a group of women whom I had just met that day, sharing what my 5 year career goal is. A week ago, I set my intention to work on one thing that I can do this week to help me towards that goal. A week ago, I said out loud to these women, I will write one post within the week that will help me towards my goal. Alas, here we are, one week later. The point of this is not to tell you what my goal is. Although actually writing it out and sharing with the world will most likely cause me to act on it verses dwell, but whatever, not at this time at least.

The point of this post is to do. Do what you say you’re going to do especially if that means it’s one step closer to your vision.

So, what’s next for me? Creating something that doesn’t exist.  Vague, I know :)

Stay tuned.

choose to win.

What do I want to say? This is the first question I always ask myself before I even begin writing.  I read some blogs from my favorite people, listen to some music, take notes, highlight quotes from my favorite books - all in hope to get some inspiration to just start.

I get these urges when I know I have a lot I want to write, yet nothing ever comes out as clear as I’d like it to be – or at least coherent for those of you reading this.

The hardest part is always starting.  Always.

So, what do I want to say?

Life is a big beautiful mess. Everyone is going through it, and there’s no way to go around it or avoid it.

Going through emails, I came across one from Rog on choosing not to fail or choosing to win.  They both mean the same thing, but it’s how you’re perceiving and initiating your choices that make the outlook brighter, and more manageable.

Everyone fails at something in life.  It’s a guaranteed part of being human.  However, mentally preparing yourself for failure won’t get you anywhere.  Feelings of being stuck, or depressed, or unsure-of-what-to-do-next-so-you-don’t-do-anything aren’t pathways that lead to success. Changing your mentality of being capable of actually winning at whatever it is you want to achieve vs. thinking it’s absolutely impossible leads to action.

Asking for help doesn’t hurt the process either. I’ve learned over the course of the years that some of my best ideas, efforts and successes come from being in the trenches – and using my resources to help get me out.

Understanding the depths of each situation and how it makes me feel allows me to move upwards and be proactive in my decisions - in a positive fashion.  Failure is inevitable.  Reaching for the top is a choice; and it’s risky, scary and everything in between – and without a doubt, worth it.

 

This post is brought to you by: Shiraz (I keep it classy) Sade – Fear Dustin's Music 

a shift in outlook.

A lot has happened since I last published something on here. The irony of my current situation is that my last post was about being organized, and now I’m struggling to find time to dedicate to writing.

I did notice this void over the past couple weeks, and was also reminded to continue (or start) to write despite whatever else is going on in my world.

This is in part to starting a new job, investing [insert percentage that hasn’t been calculated, but it’s probably high] my time into others and prioritizing projects that not only help in my personal development, but also are beneficial to those around me.

Such is life I guess.  A constant search for balance (I blame my sign); figuring out what’s most important, all while remaining present and relevant.

So, with that said, there’s been a shift in my mentality recently. I’ll be completely candid and say that I was struggling to adjust to life outside of NYC a few months ago. I kept denying the fact that this is where I’m supposed to be, I was looking for ways out and caught myself in a state of depression, anxiety and fear.  I selectively chose to depart from things that weren’t fulfilling me anymore so I could fully grasp and take in what is meant for me at this present time.  The moment I clicked out of this mindset and state of denial, I noticed everything and everyone around me a little bit clearer.

I have a job that’s more in-line with my career path - something that enables me to be creative, test and implement ideas, inspire and challenge others to do the same. I have an immeasurable amount of support from my family and I’ve rekindled a friendship that has fired up my life.

Instead of denying or questioning why I’m in this current situation, I’m finally okay with things just the way they are. Where I am now is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Life in suburbia ain’t so bad.