A few weeks ago, I started recording my thoughts through the voice memo app on my iPhone.
It honestly feels archaic to share this, but I've found voice memos to be the perfect app to allow me to brain dump in the middle of driving, heading from one place to another or just when pen & paper weren't near by.
I travel a lot for work.
By travel I mean, I sit in traffic and feel the need to pass the time to be productive since I have zero control over my surroundings.
I listen to podcasts when I want to feel like I'm kickin' it with my fam & the juiciest news stories that CNN won't talk about, on morning edition.
92Q to remind me where I live & come from, and every other NPR show to expand my thinking.
I pay for a Spotify membership each month, but yet in these moments where I'm literally solo & retaining all the information from listening & tap-dancing on each platform, I feel the need to verbalize what I'm thinking and learning from these outlets.
Maybe this stems from my fear of getting alzheimer's, or the notion that I'm exposed & aware of so many things, more so than I can handle that I feel the need to record everything possible.
Sometimes learning feels like a double-edged-sword.
As I'm navigating ways that I process information, I'm breaching the edge of a visual learner to auditory, depending on the topic that I want to focus on in a particular moment. This comes at a cost when I attempt to formalize my experiences on platforms like this.
I'm in tune with almost every aspect of my life & surroundings, that I could pick 10 things in the span of an hour that peaked my interest, or inspired me in some fashion and come up with a story on how I was meant to experience this particular topic.
Perhaps I make it difficult for myself to not just listen to what's on the radio, or hit up spotify, and just take whatever I see or listen to as is, but as an overly dedicated person to analyzing and questioning everything, more often than not, I feel that I need to hear the stuff that I'm actually thinking.
And this is coming from my personal experience of only knowing that pen to paper could clear my thoughts, to having the dopest therapist [#realtalk], to finding that I have so-many-things-in-my-head that if I don't get them out I'll feel like I'll implode.
My point is that voice memos have actually helped me in more ways than one to:
1. get over the fear of hearing my own [awkward] voice
2. brain dump
3. revisit and actually listen to what I'm saying, even if it's days or weeks later
It's a pause in time.
Ever since I began diving deeper into my own practice of self-care and what I define that as, I've learned to live with my own thoughts.
Replaying what I said a few weeks ago feels ancient, yet it taps me back into the feeling I had when I initially voiced my sentiments.
Most of what's shown on social media platforms are instant gratification "think pieces" on stories that have literally just been announced.
I often find myself thinking, 'did these people even try to sit with their thoughts before writing this?' A lot of what we read and consume hasn't been sifted through and/or massaged.
Often, there are instances where a particular topic is brewing, and someone immediately responds for reasons unrelated to building substance.
But what if instead of reacting immediately, you just sat there with the feeling, let it pass...and revisit it later when you're, a bit more clear headed & have facts to back up your assumption?
Patience should be prioritized, and I know firsthand, there's a fine-line between deadlines and getting a message across.
Voice memos allow me to dig deeper into the actual feeling I had when I initially hit record, and it gives me space to forget about that particular moment, to absorb everything else that I need in order to revisit and come back with a more complete, comprehensive assessment.
Memories come and go. Attachments to feelings can come and go as well. But what trips me out, and what I've found time & again, is that my voice matters & it's here to stay.