Whether or not this entry will resonate with you, I feel the need and want to share my thoughts with you. I consider this entry (and day in particular) the beginning of the next chapter in my journey of discovery, and I want you to experience this with me. Today begins the first set of my travels, by visiting my best friend and biggest supporter, my brother, Pierre. There is no greater feeling than spending quality time with those I love, admire and respect; so to say that I'm excited for what's to come, is an understatement.
For the past couple of months I've been feeling such at peace with who I am and who I'm becoming. With obstacles along the way: no job, no source of steady income, and no definitive idea on what I want to do just yet, I've been learning to accept things as they are. Rather than allowing frustrations and depression overcome me, I'm understanding that I can only control the effort I put forth into really digging deep into what I want to accomplish. Although I'm not quite there yet, I'm truly understanding the process that it takes in order to get there, with the first step being patience.
Prior to quitting my most recent job, I envisioned myself living in Brooklyn with a job within two months of quitting, that I would only work temporarily to pay bills. Things didn't necessarily go as planned.
I got caught up searching and applying for dozens if jobs within the week of hearing back from a rejected offer from an employer in NY that I had interviewed with. I was panicking. Panicking because I wanted to be settled in NY so badly without really understanding why I wanted to be there so quickly and what I really wanted to do when I got there.
I was depressed and frustrated for a few days - actually about a week - from the fact that I didn't have a job, nor was I residing in NY within my ideal time frame I felt like I was letting all my friends and family down because I had told them my plans, and to see it not actually come to fruition was frustrating. After that initial phase of depression, I realized that this "fall back moment" was the perfect time for me to pursue other options.
I began to dig deeper into researching and reading articles and blogs of people who inspire me - the expats, the Seth Godin's, the elite and successful entrepreneurs (in my eyes) - and connected with one person in particular that gave me the extra push that I needed to, in essence, wake the f up and figure out what I'm actually here on this earth to do. Or at least which direction I should go in.
The value of retaining and keeping relationships is key, and I am thankful for those who have stuck with me throughout this odd phase of my life - this phase that is completely foreign to me. Although I am still "searching" for what it is I want to do next, I'm constantly reminding myself to be patient and to communicate with those who I trust to bring along with me on this journey. Something as simple as staying in contact with a friend can make or break your vision to do what you truly love to do.
It's amazing how simple everything is, especially when you have guidance (by researching) and someone who you can confide in who understands this path of discovery because he/she has been through it as well.
For the the longest time, I'd say two years, the majority of the people I spoke to about quitting my job and moving to NYC all had worried looks on their faces, all while congratulating me. That's when I knew I had to make that jump. The handful of people that supported me during the frustrations I had that involved things beyond just working at my previous job, made it that more reassuring that I needed to change the course of my life. I do agree with the majority that this leap that I took was indeed crazy, but I knew deep down inside of me that there was more to my life. I knew that there was more for me to offer and give to the world.
Any chance that I got while working my 50+ hr/wk job to read an article on entrepreneurship, empowerment, overcoming fear, etc., was leading me more and more to the fact that I needed to get the hell up out of the office environment. Fast forward to now, where I have so much time to do my research and read as many articles that inspire and motivate me, I can finally grasp all of the possibilities that are right in front of me. I'm using this freedom of not being tied to a job that sucks every mental and physical energy out of me, to allow myself to explore as much as possible, within the parameters of my savings account, which to be completely honest, is not that big - but just enough to take advantage if this opportunity. This opportunity to travel.
So I consider this - today - the beginning (or continuation) of making sacrifices to really dig deep into my soul, to see and do things that I've never done and have only dreamed about.
Am I excited? Hell yeah. Am I nervous? Not at all. As much as this makes me cringe a bit in my soul, the phrase: "It will all work out" makes so much sense. It's the comfort of having that someone, or something - that constant in your life - to push you in the direction that you're supposed to go in, but saying things that you don't necessarily want to hear. You accept the criticism because you know deep down that it will be beneficial to you in due time, because he/she has been through it as well.
Allowing myself to be fully immersed in the exploration of who I am and who I want to be, has already opened up opportunities that I have never imagined would exist. Being open to what's possible has been such a mental workout in the sense that I am constantly being tested and being pushed to do things that I never thought I was capable of doing. The time that I'm training my mind for what's to come, without knowing the results, is the ultimate gift to myself. Having the world in the palm of my hand is such a great feeling. Similar to having a blank canvas in front of you or a beat without lyrics. I am capable of creating and doing anything I put my mind and effort to.
The world is yours.
This is just the beginning.