plant the seed and live forward

Former colleagues turned friends recently launched a lifestyle brand called Arrow that focuses on creating detailed and meaningful experiences to the community they serve. What’s inspiring about Dani and Gabrielle’s initiative is that they broke through “the norm” of working for others to work with others - on their own terms. This morning they hosted the first networking event of a three-part series that focuses on health, personal and career development through connection and education. With over 20 women in attendance, we each had an opportunity to meet others in the health and wellness space.

What they’re doing isn’t entirely out of the box, but what’s important to note is that they’re actually doing the things they’ve always said they wanted to do.

They let go of the fear of starting and creating something that has yet to exist and did the damn thing. The important thing to note here is that the women who were breaking bread together were meant to meet each other. From there, we’re all able to connect and support each other on whichever ventures we want to take on.

on decision making

Soon after I finished my internship with the Heat, I was on the job hunt. I worked a few months in retail to cover basic expenses but was still drawn to working in sports and wanted to find my way back in the industry. I applied and scored interviews with a few major league teams in South Florida, and if there's one common factor about working in the sports industry it's that everyone knows everyone - regardless of which sport you work for.

Blessed with being a libra and someone who wants to try everything at least once, at times I'm conflicted on what choice to make when faced with two great opportunities. #firstworldproblems

One day in Spring 2007, I received an offer to work for the Dolphins. The next day, my former boss at the Heat called and told me there's a position available starting that June. Small world, indeed.

Filled with excitement mixed with anxiety, I remember watching an intense and close NCAA basketball game that evening talking through the decision with my then boyfriend on what team I should work for. Whatever team ended up winning (my memory isn't the best), I'd take the Heat position.

Most choices I've been faced with have been decided in a similar fashion. Instead of over analyzing why one place or job or restaurant is the better option for me, I resort to a little twist of fate. Flip a coin or if XYZ team wins then I'll go here, if they lose, I'll go here instead.

Luckily the outcome of the game back in March 2007 helped finesse my most exciting career for the next five years.

start somewhere

I take pride knowing that I am someone that others seek for information and questions about self-care, spirituality, and most recently, yoga. When articles pop up that seem out of the ordinary like cat yoga, goat yoga or trap yoga, I usually get a few messages asking for my thoughts on this new trend.

What I typically say is that as long as people are moving their bodies, by all means, label the class however you feel.

Meeting people where they are and what they're attracted to seems like the best way to introduce a newbie to the benefits of a spiritual practice.

ease into it

We're one month into 2017. It's okay if your New Year's resolutions have already dwindled down. The fun part about this whole thing called life is that you can begin again, you can direct the path of your next step and without getting into the woo-woo Jesus and universe stuff, you are the pilot. I had zero desire to make any resolutions on January 1st. I rang in the new year on a rooftop watching fireworks, with a glass of champagne and a cigar. The best part about this night was that it wasn't planned weeks in advance.  In fact, it was planned two days prior.

This scenario is pretty much how my life goes. Open to adventure and spontaneity, especially when it's mixed with the feeling of "oh, this feels right" and "wtf am I doing."

Although I wasn't plugged into my timeline on Jan. 1, I watched the posts go up in the subsequent days after: "2017 is my year!" "Back in the gym, let's get it!" "New year new me" "Backpacking through Europe by the end of the Summer #goals"

Meanwhile, I was casually doing what I normally do. Meditate, move my body, begin again with a fresh slate.

[Full disclosure - there's nothing wrong with setting goals. What I want to iterate is that in my experience, goals are accomplished when they're influenced by a feeling that I want to have throughout the process]

I think what people get caught up most around is the feeling of instant pleasure, instant gratification and a sense of "I need to be doing something at all times to feel fulfilled and accomplished." I've had this mindset before, and it tore me apart after a few months of not feeling fulfilled. So, I decided to let go of this narrative.

It's okay to slow down. It's okay to take your time and map out your next steps. It's okay to ease into each scenario you face.

So as long as whatever decision you make coincides with the feeling(s) you want to be conscious of along the way.

how you do anything is how you do everything

I'm pretty sure I heard this phrase in one of Tim Ferriss's podcasts; or at least a version of 'the little things add up to the big things.' I paused the audio, wrote the phrase on a sticky note and placed it on a mirror in my closet that I see every day.

This has been posted for at least three months.

There were days that I blindly didn't pay attention to the note, but I'd find myself repeating the phrase in my mind the moment I would reach for my phone instead of folding clothes. Or moments when the last thing I'd want to do is twist my hair (a process that takes at least 30 minutes), read a book or write in my journal.

"How you do anything is how you do everything."

I'd pat myself on the back while shouting 'yassss Sab!' when I'd untwist my hair, look in the mirror and thank the natural hair based God for blessing me with a good hair day. Talk about a confidence booster.

The subtle habits of taking care of myself mixed with the practice of pratyahara - a conscious effort to draw away from outside stimuli and the external world (see: social media) - has helped me not only be more presentable when I'm out and about, but laser focused on making steady progress in all facets of my life.

The bonus is that I'm able to congratulate myself and celebrate the small victories that I've achieved along the way.

make the world a better place by letting go of your ego.

"Compassion is threatening to the ego. We might think of it as something warm and soothing, but actually it’s very raw. When we set out to support other beings, when we go so far as to stand in their shoes, when we aspire to never close down to anyone, we quickly find ourselves in the uncomfortable territory of 'life not on my terms.'" - Pema Chödron

I read this quote at least three times the first time I came across it. It's from Pema's Living Beautifully, a book that I've been referencing often thanks to my fellow ruckusmaker, Tamara.

Not everyone is an empath or compassionate by default, but I believe it can be learned.

"Move consciously into the pain of the world in order to help alleviate it" - Pema, again. 

This takes courage and relinquishment of control. Not everyone is willing to do this, but the ones who are make the world a better place.

I Meditated for 90 Days In a Row. Here's What I Learned.

1. Stay the course. There will be shitty days. Even when you meditate. What I've come to terms with is that every thought and feeling comes in waves. Never get too high, never get too low - just stay the course.

2. It's okay to be selfish. The more often that I make sure my needs are met, the better I show up in the world. Yes, this means to be selfish when it comes to self-care. If you're not happy, chances are others around you will catch the vibe and ultimately not be in the best mood either.

3. Push through the discomfort. Twenty minutes in silence is no longer unbearable. Granted, there are days (see: when I'm premenstrual) where I fidget, where I'm cranky and focusing on breathing is the last thing I want to do - but that feeling only lasts for a couple minutes. When I allow the discomfort to pass, the process of meditating becomes easier.

4. Begin again. There were a few days where I rushed to get out the door and didn't have time to meditate before getting the day started. Instead of beating myself up over waking up late, I used tools throughout the day that I learned from Andy to help set the tone for a better mood and clearer thoughts over the course of the day.

5. Create better habits. More often than not, I look forward to meditating each morning. Over the course of the 90+ days, I've created better habits that have significantly decreased my anxieties and improved my overall health. Habits like drinking water first thing in the morning, reading daily affirmations aloud, writing 10 things I'm grateful for each night, and ending showers with a 5-10 second cold water shock. Still getting used to that last part.

6. Reality is a myth...or something. The jury is still out. Meditating is a gateway drug to understanding your consciousness. The more I began to acknowledge the thoughts that arise, the more curious I became to figure out how the mind works. This led me to visits to the library where I read and checked out Life Visioning, Living Beautifully: With Uncertainty and Change and Waking Up, as well as read dozens of articles related to religion, spirituality, and meta physics. It got weird and interesting quickly.

7. Silence is golden. Listen intently to everything. A TV doesn't always have to be on, music doesn't always have to be in your headphones, driving in silence can actually be therapeutic. Absorb the silence around you and let it fill you with calmness.

8. Listen with purpose. Conversations with friends, family and people I interview have been more constructive because I've learned to listen and be fully present in each convo.

9. Speaking up, especially when you're not okay, is key. Prior to having a consistent meditation (and gratitude) practice I used to wallow in guilt and shame, thinking that everyone knew my thoughts, and I'd hide as a result. Now, I speak up if I'm feeling a type of way and go about my day knowing that I am not my thoughts or feelings. This comes from making a connection to what thoughts come up to what feelings arise from them, and not letting those feelings consume me.

10. There is no rush. About two years ago, I purchased a pendant to remind myself to slow down. What I didn't know at the time, and up until recently, is that I'd become more aware of surroundings, people and situations that came up as a result of slowing down actions and thoughts. Life has always been pretty good, but now it's definitely more enjoyable - even in the mundane moments of silent meditation.

Bonus lesson: Pay it forward. I meditate for you. Life isn't always easy, nor is it always fair. A lot of people are suffering all over the world and I realize that I'm fortunate enough (you are too) to be able to breathe, to write, to express my thoughts to help someone else along this journey.

exposing truths and facing reality

There’s a deep sense of somberness that I felt all day today, the day that Donald Trump has officially been elected as the next President of the United States of America. Today, I was much more cognizant of my surroundings, the people I interacted with, the modes of transportation I took and being very intentional with truly seeing everything for what it was in the moment.

Instead of driving to the city, I decided to take the train. I wanted to be upfront and feel the presence of others around me, see their faces and read their emotions instead of focusing on being behind the wheel.

The majority of the people on the train were black, and I wondered what they felt. Some folks looked despondent, younger kids with their backpacks hung their heads with headphones in and the most engaging group of people I saw were communicating with each other through sign language. In essence, it was more silent than usual, and you could feel a sense of depletion as everyone just tried to put one foot forward and continue on with their lives.

People are just trying to survive. To make it. With any support that they have.

Maybe the fact that DT is the new President Elect hasn’t affected everyone. Maybe this was just another day for most people, and I’m a bit jealous of those with political apathy.

Watching the results come in last night with my dad was tough - as he laughed and gained excitement as the shock came over him that more states turned from yellow to blue to red, permanently. His definition of a 'good time' is different from mine, especially when it comes to politics, but what I’ve come to terms with is that I’m very grateful that I was able to watch this unfold with him. In a past life he was a political journalist, possibly a president, and the turn of events during every part of this election and each campaign has made this an exciting time for him. There wasn't enough wine for us to come to terms of the reality of what transpired at 2am (or 3am? I can't remember), but what I know to be true is that the results put a stamp on what America was built upon - greed, racism, bigotry, white supremacy.

I believe the results of this election has exposed everyone and everything. All cards are out on the table for all to see, and there’s nothing left but to fight in order to heal the wounds. The wounds exposed of the underrepresented, marginalized and unheard. It’s not easy, and compromises have to happen if the end goal is for us to be better, together - no matter what our differences are.

I’m grateful for the friends and family who’ve reached out to me - a support system is ever so needed during times like this.

So what do I want to say?

Life is hard. There are terrible people out there, and now more than ever we have to remain courageous and be resilient if we ever want to get to peace and unity for all. It may not happen in my lifetime, but it’s worth striving for - for our future generations. It’s not about us. It’s about what’s possible.

But in order for us to even get to what’s possible, we have to face what is directly in front of us. And that means facing fears, having difficult conversations, and exposing truths - whether you agree with them or not.

So what helps getting through times like this? Taking time to sit with your thoughts and feelings - and understand that these do not define you. Acknowledge the joys and pains of what’s happening when you’re silent, and know that you’re not alone in these thoughts. They’re all valid. What's helped for me is that taking the time to sit in this silence, to disconnect from the media, to meditate (and not fighting what comes up) is ever prevalent when I go through tumultuous times. Using the tools that I know from an app like Headspace, or books like Deep Work and Waking Up, this is what it’s for. To navigate during the difficult times and being able to not only see the light ahead, but become the light for others to see themselves.

Also, action cures fear forever and always. Take the time that's needed (#selfcare), but also use these setbacks as more drive that lights the fire within to create work that you care about, work that helps others be better people to others.

Change can be hard, but it’s the only thing that’s constant. We might as well learn how to navigate the trenches thoughtfully, by being kind to ourselves and by developing a sense of empathy so we’re able to cultivate a promising path for those to follow our lead.

the 6 best moments of year 31

Spinning off of last year's post, I decided to write out the highlights from another turn around the sun. Maybe I'll keep this going through this decade, who knows. But it feels good to reflect on what I accomplished, who I helped and who helped me during these 12 months.

I've maintained keeping track of thoughts, deadlines, goals, and tasks in my planner and journals. If it weren't for these, I probably wouldn't have remembered half of the things that happened this year.

This year's subliminal theme was all about slowing down. Shortly after I turned 31, I began to pay attention to the physical aspects of my body - why I couldn't lift as much weight or do certain exercises how I used to. In the middle of conversations with my therapist around November of 2015,  she told me to take it easy on myself. Stop forcing things to be as they were - in the literal form of exercise and expecting similar results, and metaphorically - allowing change to happen.

I stopped doing all the things that I had been doing for 6+ years, and just tuned in to sensations and emotions that came up when I sat still instead of feeling the need to "do" something to occupy time and space.

Little did I know what would come up when I just stopped resisting, everything.

The 6 best moments that happened this past year were: 

• Realizing and knowing my worth

• Volunteering with Holistic Youth Foundation and Y.E.S.

• Hiring a physical therapist

• Meditating. Consistently. (as of this post, I'm on day 67. Thanks Headspace!)

• Creating #tanthemat

• Becoming an auntie (again)!

Major takeaways from each:

• There are a handful of people that truly know what I've managed to overcome throughout the years. I'm stubborn and often times hard-headed, but I know what I'm capable of accomplishing and creating. These same people helped me remind myself how dope I am :) I took another leap, and am now in complete creation mode - working on projects that will make our world a better place to live.

• Being able to share my skills and donate my time to two local organizations that are literally changing and helping lives of our future generation, has been a tremendous honor. Focus on our youth - they absorb everything and we have every resource and tool to help them succeed.

• Slowing down also meant feeling - everything. I stopped CrossFitting religiously, actually, entirely. Protecting my body from more physical damage has been my main goal, and working with a physical therapist has proven to be life-changing. Aside from the physical benefits of gaining a bit more mobility, I've managed to jump into a rabbit hole of connecting chiropractic care to mental health. Everything (almost) makes sense now :)

• Yoga, mindfulness and meditation are all buzz words now. The self help industry is an $11 billion - yes billion - dollar industry. In the U.S. it feels like everyone is trying to "find happiness" in the midst of what seems like a complete clusterf*ck of ideas, people and policies. However, what has helped me reclaim my sanity and create work from love instead of fear, has been my consistent meditation practice. When in doubt, focus on your breath.

• With that said, clearing my mind allows for space to create. It took me over a year to announce and manifest #tanthemat into something tangible, and here we are. What felt like a small project at the beginning, manifested into something completely different than what I expected, and I have a network of beautiful humans over the world that are not only inspiring me, but are healing communities through their work.

• #somanybabies. 2-3 years ago, four of my closest cousins/brothers/sisters got married. These same people popped out babies this year. The world is so much better now that there is a generation of women [smile] with roots from Haiti, India, Cuba and Singapore. #diversitymatters. I'm incredibly grateful to be an aunt and role model for them!

32. I welcome you with open arms. It's my magic year - let's do this.

Measuring Success Through Growth

How do you define success? Maybe it’s something monetary, maybe it’s by being recognized as the expert, or maybe it’s by the numbers of people who follow or subscribe to you. For me, success can be defined as a combination of these, but what I find incredibly interesting and important at this moment is how people spread the word about the story you’re telling. On July 4th, 2016 I started amping up Abernathy’s social media presence by increasing the number of posts across all of our channels: Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and Google+.

I researched what other companies and bloggers do to increase their audience and engagement, and through my research I was able to implement the tools these marketers used by using Buffer, without spending any extra money.

There are companies like Meet Edgar, which for a small fee, provide a simple solution to automate blog posts, or in this case, articles. But I wanted to see if I could mimic what they do, to see in fact if this actually increased engagement.

Spoiler: it does.

Here’s why putting in a little bit of effort and time in scheduling posts on social media makes sense and is worth the investment (time or money) if you’re measuring engagement and growth.

Over the course of 28 days, the insight that Facebook calculates for our page shows that we saw increases in every category. Our page views increased by 95% and likes increased by 35%. The number of people our articles reached plus those who liked, commented and shared them increased by 94%, and the number of times people engaged with our posts (by sharing, commenting and liking) increased by 236%. One of the biggest takeaways from looking at the data on Facebook was seeing the number of times a fan clicked on our contact info and sign-up (call-to-action) button - this increased by 400%!

Our tweets went up 337% from the previous 28 day period, 236,000 users saw our tweets (up 171% from the previous period) and our profile visits went up 46%.

Our team uses Slack and we have integrations that notify us when someone either subscribes to our newsletter or mentions us on twitter. Although we see these notifications daily, it wasn’t until I crunched the numbers that I saw these subtle, yet consistent notifications actually added up.

mailchimp subscribers

The newsletter campaign we sent a few days after this experiment started garnered the biggest increase in both open rate and click rate at 34% and 9.5% respectively (industry average open rate is 14.8% and 1.7% click rate). Our total subscribers increased by 80% from the previous period.

So more eyeballs are on social media and more people see our articles in their inboxes -- which is great -- but what about traffic to our actual website?

I tuned in to Google Analytics which did all the number crunching for me, and what is unsurprising, yet worth noting is that our page views went up 27% from the previous 28 day period, and the period of time a user is actively engaged with our website went up 31%. The majority of people (71%) who come to our site have never seen us before, and this is a major 🔑  in determining how we create future marketing campaigns.

Aside from numerical data which can often be great to gauge a variety of insights; content and context also matters.

So, what else happened during this time span?

Well, the tragic murders of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling (and the murders of the police officers in Dallas and Baton Rouge) may have contributed to an increase in engagement and traffic in July.

Our platform provides a space where anyone can voice their opinions on issues that affect them. The irony of these events is that Abernathy was created primarily because our founder was fed up at the images mainstream media portrays black men. On July 8th, we published an article titled White People: Understand That We Don’t Understand which was our top post on Facebook, and where we saw the biggest spike in reach the day the article was published -- which also trickled in to the next day.

Although Abernathy is not intended to be a “hot takes” media platform, we are thoughtful when we publish timely pieces like the one mentioned above. Our audience responds to unbiased opinions, and a similar effect happened on twitter. But What About Black on Black Crime (which was originally published on March 9th, 2015) was the top engaged post. 29.5% of users who saw this post either clicked, retweeted, replied, followed us and/or liked this post. Content matters.

Thankfully there are geniuses behind each of these platforms that are able to crunch these numbers for us. It’s worth the research and time to schedule these posts (or use tools to do this for you) in order to understand what these numbers mean.

This can provide insight on how to create strategies to help you achieve whatever success means to you. If it’s monetary, you can determine how much you want to spend on paid advertising on sites. If it’s engagement, you can determine what type of content you want to publish and which platform to do so. In addition to this, what these numbers tell me is that the stories we publish are being spread at an increasingly, steady and organic rate.

As long as our audience keeps growing bit by bit, and with the help of our contributors and sponsors, we’ll be able to live up to our mission.

what I've been up to.

Since April 2016, I've been working with my friend Willie Jackson on several projects that involve creating content for underrepresented audiences at Abernathy, the magazine for black men. What's exciting about this opportunity is the freedom to create and invent a series of stories and events that are catered to people like me - those who like in-depth conversations with people who are making a dent in the world. People like Nkrumah, Todd and umi selah.  I also have the honor of getting first glances at heartwarming pieces (written by women!) who are brave enough to share their personal journeys in identity, motherhood and depression.

For those unfamiliar with what I've done over the years, I've worked in fitness and sports since I entered college. Pivoting from solely focusing on what has been familiar to me for so many years, finding the thread that ties my story together to where I am now involved doing some deep internal work.

I've managed to work in extremely exciting environments, and most of the positions I've held involved wearing several hats. What I've learned is that I'm skilled in a variety of tasks ranging from event coordinating to personal training and leadership to life coaching, and I'm often called on to help navigate next steps in someone's life.

I celebrate the accomplishments of my friends like Lindsay who published her first book, and Erica who started her own bakery, and am moved by people who decide to follow their truths based on something I've done or written.

This time around I'm the Marketing Strategist, of a media company! Although this is my first project working with a non-fitness company,  I'm able to apply what I've learned over the years to help create buzz, excitement and space for people who just want to be heard.

Since starting at Abernathy, I've curated the Health and Fitness series which amplifies important stories related to fitness movement in Black communities. I've interviewed people like Keith and Jean and am thrilled to share more stories to come.

I'm looking forward to learning more about the publishing industry, the challenges that will arise, and the new connections that I'll make.

Want to keep up with what we're up to? Sign up for our newsletter. It's fun here :)

sing from your heart.

Lately I've been voicing my ideas on a project I'm launching to a select few people I admire. Unsurprisingly, the universe has manifested my visions into a reality. When your vision is so clear, so pristine, so vast that your soul is begging for you to put it out in the world, the universe makes it's way into your life by showing you who can help, and propel you to take action to make it concrete.

Writing in one of my favorite places to eat in Baltimore, Sia's "Chandelier" played when I walked inside.  Aside from the fact that this song is an absolute banger, I took this as a sign to revisit her albums.

For those unfamiliar with Sia or her music, she has managed to survive depression and anxiety by being completely vulnerable through her music, and winning awards along the way.

Her music is a reminder to always sing from your heart, speak your truth and if you don't, your thoughts will eat you alive.

would you like a receipt?

“Today was much better than yesterday’s five hour meltdown” I wrote this sentence in my journal, the day after meeting with a financial advisor.

This meeting would’ve never happened if it weren’t for a conversation I had with my brother. He works for a financial investment company (not as an advisor but something completely different) and although I don’t know exactly what he does, I trust his judgment when it comes to money. He basically called me out on my shit and told me to look into investing in my financial future like I do for my health.

Initially, I booked the appointment to hear about different portfolios I could be investing in, considering my current employer doesn’t offer a 401K, and I’m actually taking adulthood seriously. (I do want a family within this decade).

Growing up, my family never really talked about finances. Conversations around money were more along the lines of “I don’t have anything, ask your father” and my dad responding with laughter. Getting the mail was always daunting because out of the 20 pieces, half were probably bills, and at a very young age I thought credit cards were the devil.

Meeting with this financial advisor turned from a conversation about investing to a wake up call that I needed to hear.  After the meeting I spent the next 5 hours wallowing in this hole I (unnecessarily) dug for myself, and it was precisely what I needed to feel in order for me to take everything seriously and pull myself back to the surface.

Until that day I had never tracked my spending. Granted, I don’t have a ton of debt in comparison to the majority of people in the U.S., but it’s enough that I feel it’s a block in my path to progress, and [financial] freedom.

So, for the past two months I’ve kept all my receipts from my purchases and have tracked them on everydollar.com.

Thinking I had to ask for a raise or find another job that pays more in order for me to “survive” was a false assumption. Tracking what I’m actually spending my money on provided clarity on where I could allocate any extra money towards paying off debt and saving.

For those who think “I don’t make enough money to save, let alone invest.” Try again.

For starters, I’ve been using digit to automatically pull money from my bank based on what I spend into a savings account.

This is a referral link, and if you’re interested in saving money without even thinking about it, try it out.

a taste of space.

My nephew who lives 2,300 miles away from me is 3 years old. He’s in this phase of having meltdowns and nightmares and although him and I don’t speak often enough, I completely understand what he’s going through. He just started school full-time, he has a baby sister on the way, and being 3 means that there are a lot of things that he can actually understand and remember – yet it may be difficult to actually articulate his feelings. It sounds stressful to be 3, and with stress at this age comes nightmares. So, to shift his mindset from scary to something more light-hearted, my brother & sis-in law have been asking him what he’d like to dream before bed.

The other day I got a text from her letting me know what he wants to dream about. My nephew said he wants me to take him to space in a rocket ship, to take the moon and bring it back home to eat. (Someone connect me with Elon Musk so I can make this happen, k thanks).

My nephew and I are tight, even telepathically. That same day, before I even received the text, I had spent 2 hours in a floatation, sensory deprivation chamber.

There were moments where I knew I fell asleep for what felt like an eternity but in reality was probably about 20 minutes; and there were moments where I knew I was awake and literally did not feel a thing.

Quick backstory. I’ve had back pain for over a year and am currently in physical therapy for it. There hasn’t been a day in over a year where I didn’t feel pain and aches throughout my body or tingling and numbness in my hands & feet.

Since time didn’t really exist while I was floating in this chamber, for the first time in what felt like forever, I legitimately did not feel a thing. I didn’t feel the water around me or any tension in my body for the majority of the session. I felt as if I were floating through space, defying gravity as each second passed by.

Floatation therapy is considered safe (still check with you primary care physician first) and I do feel that anyone could and should experience this, however I don’t recommend trying this if you haven’t spent time alone in your thoughts in the comfort of your home.

I have therapists, both physical and mental; I’ve been practicing yoga & meditation consistently for over a year and as a result, I have a great grasp on my body awareness. I feel everything and know how to articulate and pinpoint where the majority of these feelings stem from. I’ve channeled my depression & anxiety through these practices alongside Reiki, CrossFit, eating farm-raised and/or organic produce 80% of the week, and taking supplements & vitamins that enhance my focus & health.

Even with all of this “practice” I still entered the chamber with anxiety. I immediately tensed up and felt my upper back and neck tighten, the same areas where I’ve had pain for as long as I can remember.  However, what I’ve learned over the course of the year is that during moments of this intensity, I need to breathe through it. As in, focus on what I know is true to be constant for as long as I live – my breath. The moment I can channel my anxiety to the one thing that that I can control, is when I become more relaxed. The tension becomes less intense, and lying down in complete darkness and silence feels less daunting and more comforting.

I don’t think that I would’ve lasted 2 hours in this chamber had I not practiced meditating or therapy on my own. During my CrossFit days when I felt everything should be intensified x 1000, the thought of relaxing would’ve felt foreign and uncomfortable. There were moments during the session where I did panic and wanted to get out (nothing locked me in this space, by the way; the door is easily accessible and I could’ve gotten out whenever I wanted). And again, in the moments where my “fight or flight” sensors went off, I recognized this is the exact time where I not only needed to face this tension and acknowledge it, but to focus on breathing through it.

Floatation therapy is an incredibly useful method to navigate the spaces within your body and mind. I felt like I unlocked a dimension within my body, which even days later I’m still processing what I experienced and more thoughts are coming up from this session.

I find it interesting to only assume that my nephew already understands this feeling – of channeling his stress into imagining and tasting a place (that he has yet to see first hand, yet knows it exists) that’s free of the gravity of the world to alleviate the stresses of his physical existence.

it's in my blood.

Activism. Writing. Researching. Storytelling. Back in September when my aunt & uncle came to town, a friendly debate came up amongst my family. This isn't abnormal considering after family dinners, a night cap almost always involves coffee while discussing politics - specifically around U.S. and Haiti - with my father 'leading' the conversation by mostly arguing against what else everyone is saying. Or at least striking up another point of view, to stir the pot.

When the topic of activism came up during times of political turmoil, coup d'etats and fighting for human/civil rights in Haiti, I asked something along the lines of 'who were the women who were fighting for justice in Haiti.'

The room fell silent as everyone seemed to be deep in thought, with my dad mentioning...'yes, there were some women who were involved' but no specific names were dropped. My aunt, Marlene answered in a way of genuine curiosity and concern saying that she didn't know any off the top of her head, but that she'd do some research for me.

A few weeks later, she sends me a beautiful piece on what she found and I'm proud to share that her story has been published on Abernathy.

Enjoy!

my voice matters.

A few weeks ago, I started recording my thoughts through the voice memo app on my iPhone. It honestly feels archaic to share this, but I've found voice memos to be the perfect app to allow me to brain dump in the middle of driving, heading from one place to another or just when pen & paper weren't near by.

voicememo

I travel a lot for work.

By travel I mean, I sit in traffic and feel the need to pass the time to be productive since I  have zero control over my surroundings.

I listen to podcasts when I want to feel like I'm kickin' it with my fam & the juiciest news stories that CNN won't talk about, on morning edition.

92Q to remind me where I live & come from, and everyotherNPR show to expand my thinking.

I pay for a Spotify membership each month, but yet in these moments where I'm literally solo & retaining all the information from listening & tap-dancing on each platform, I feel the need to verbalize what I'm thinking and learning from these outlets.

Maybe this stems from my fear of getting alzheimer's, or the notion that I'm exposed & aware of so many things, more so than I can handle that I feel the need to record everything possible.

Sometimes learning feels like a double-edged-sword.

As I'm navigating ways that I process information, I'm breaching the edge of a visual learner to auditory, depending on the topic that I want to focus on in a particular moment.  This comes at a cost when I attempt to formalize my experiences on platforms like this.

I'm in tune with almost every aspect of my life & surroundings, that I could pick 10 things in the span of an hour that peaked my interest, or inspired me in some fashion and come up with a story on how I was meant to experience this particular topic.

Perhaps I make it difficult for myself to not just listen to what's on the radio, or hit up spotify, and just take whatever I see or listen to as is, but as an overly dedicated person to analyzing and questioning everything, more often than not, I feel that I need to hear the stuff that I'm actually thinking.

And this is coming from my personal experience of only knowing that pen to paper could clear my thoughts, to having the dopest therapist [#realtalk], to finding that I have so-many-things-in-my-head that if I don't get them out I'll feel like I'll implode.

Sort of.

My point is that voice memos have actually helped me in more ways than one to:

1. get over the fear of hearing my own [awkward] voice 2. brain dump 3. revisit and actually listen to what I'm saying, even if it's days or weeks later

It's a pause in time.

Ever since I began diving deeper into my own practice of self-care and what I define that as, I've learned to live with my own thoughts.

Replaying what I said a few weeks ago feels ancient, yet it taps me back into the feeling I had when I initially voiced my sentiments.

Most of what's shown on social media platforms are instant gratification "think pieces" on stories that have literally just been announced.

I often find myself thinking, 'did these people even try to sit with their thoughts before writing this?'  A lot of what we read and consume hasn't been sifted through and/or massaged.

Yes, massaged.

Often, there are instances where a particular topic is brewing, and someone immediately responds for reasons unrelated to building substance.

But what if instead of reacting immediately, you just sat there with the feeling, let it pass...and revisit it later when you're, a bit more clear headed & have facts to back up your assumption?

Patience should be prioritized, and I know firsthand, there's a fine-line between deadlines and getting a message across.

Voice memos allow me to dig deeper into the actual feeling I had when I initially hit record, and it gives me space to forget about that particular moment, to absorb everything else that I need in order to revisit and come back with a more complete, comprehensive assessment.

Memories come and go. Attachments to feelings can come and go as well. But what trips me out, and what I've found time & again, is that my voice matters & it's here to stay.

The 6 best moments of year 30.

Why 6? Well, mainly because it's my second favorite number and writing about 22 moments just sounds tiresome. Anyways. This year was a blur!

It's as if everything happened all within the span of a few months, but clearly, a year has passed. If it weren’t for my own personal documentation, bits and pieces shared with the world through various methods of venting , I would’ve forgotten some major milestones.

This was the year of questioning everything and everyone ranging  from my peers, to the content of whatever article or book I read, to my family and myself. It was the year of understanding what it actually felt like to dig deep within and not being afraid of what comes up as a result.

Through this, I became increasingly curious on how my world works and why I cared, and continue to care so much about everything I experienced and everyone I met.

The 6 best moments that happened this past year were: 

• Getting hired to work for with ivivva

• Attending Ruckusmakers

• Writing an e-book

• Taking vacations (yes, plural)

• Hiring a therapist

• Getting my first  tattoo: "l'union fait la force" meaning strength in unity

Each moment listed was an almost direct result of the former experience. Funny how that works.

Major takeaways from each:

• Create the environment you want to live in. Working truly as a team and not only knowing you're being supported, but actually feeling it makes every task less daunting and more meaningful.

• Keep investing in yourself to create value. Always. No amount of money is ever too large or too little to know your worth.

• Share your story and be honest & vulnerable in the process. Related...

• Know when to disconnect.  If I were to do the whole "hey I'm going to write a book!" process again, I'd carve out the day after it's published to do nothing but sleep...for several days.

• Answers to questions most often come from within. My therapist has managed to ask the questions I haven't been asking myself. It's magic, really.

• Five years ago I swore I would never get a tattoo. Yet, this year, I have never felt so grounded in my life.  The work and experiences that I went through leading up to August 2015 validated what I know to be true.  Know your roots. Can't know where you're going if you don't know where you came from been.

What has managed to stick throughout the course of this year is constantly challenging myself to be better than I was yesterday. The only way to see this through is to reflect on what I've done.

30 was good to me.  Looking forward to what this next year will bring.

don't forget to dance.

"But, I can’t even dance to this!"

Him, “just live in the moment.” ::grabs my hand::

Next thing I know we’re in the front of the stage, the only duo on the floor, while everyone else watches.  A live band was performing and the lyrics were unfamiliar to me (mainly because they were in Spanish),  but still I sensed the vibration and passion that was amplified by these musicians.  He takes the lead and starts twirling me around, pulling me in and out of rotations, and before you know it, we were salsa dancing.

The last time I felt like this on a dance floor was when ?uestlove was performing at The Florida Room.  This place was a go-to spot in Miami on nights, in my case Mondays, to just chill and unwind and drink $12 vodka tonics (with 2 limes).  During winter music conference (my favorite time of the year in Miami, Art Basel is a close second), guest DJs would come in each night, and ?uest was ending the week by performing on a Saturday.  There aren't too many opportunities to say this was the best week ever, but this by far is in my top 5 list.

The Florida Room was designed by Lenny Kravitz, had the feel of your basement turned into a speakeasy and later dance club, with lights just dim enough to see silhouettes swaying around. Five of my closest friends who just so happened to be music lovers, came to experience the beauty behind ?uest's art and as I can only speak for myself, this night was pure gold.

About twenty minutes into his set, I spot a photographer taking pics of me dancing.  It was genuine, as if he appreciated what he saw so much that it needed to stand still in time.  A few songs later, we ended up dancing and I felt the music and energy literally move through me.  Music tends to do that for me. Once I’m in it… I’m in it.

I love researching the producers and composers of songs that move me. ?uest has a beautiful way of piecing together his songs which creates art. His set is his signature. He blends cultures, inspired by his travels and exposure to the world, and as a result, no one in the room is left standing still.

[This is beginning to sound like an ode to ?uest. Maybe it is. Alas.]

In both instances, I let go of every inhibition I had and let my dance partner take the lead.  In both instances, I felt an out of body experience, and I didn't want it to end.  Reflecting on these moments that involved pure dance, partly inspired by Rihanna - my new spirit animal, I noticed I was no longer in control.

As a coach, most times by default, I've managed to subconsciously build systems in my head to be in teacher mode more often than not.  There's a time and place for this, and I learned the dance floor isn't one.

Not everyone needs to be coached in every moment.

Fall back, live and don't forget to dance.

drop the weight.

Often enough, I get asked how I work out, what specific workout routine I follow and what I eat, because whatever I post on social media seems to be catching someones attention. The truth is, I stopped doing what everyone was telling me I should do: "CrossFit every other day! Eat less carbs! Do paleo!"

I tried a bunch of different workouts and meal plans to see how my body reacted/responded, and came up with something that actually works, for me.

I dropped the weight.

This means, the weight of the world, the weight of the pressures that I put on myself, the weight of sticking to a number (e.g. scale, plates on the bar, counting macros).

All this excess 'stuff' helped me focus on what I could control, which is ultimately moving in my own body weight (see: yoga) and more importantly, my breath (see: yoga, again). Something as simple as just remembering to breathe has been incredibly helpful in every aspect of my life. When the weight of the world seems too heavy to bare, deep inhales and slow exhales lighten the load.

For those just getting into the swing of things as far as working out goes, start with the easy stuff.

The things that come natural to you or things that actually excite you, that doesn't feel like a work out.  Whatever that is, stick to it for a month.  Get in to a routine of doing that thing and track how you feel each time you do it.

Don't worry about the number of pounds you're lifting or seeing on the scale. Actually, throw the scale away.

Walk outside for 5 minutes.  Do jumping jacks during commercials. Literally, just focus on breathing.

The more in tune you are with what you can control - your own body, your own breath - the weight (of starting) doesn't feel as heavy.

i've been busy.

Busy exploring my surroundings. Feeling like a tourist in the place I grew up, experiencing everything with a new lens. Busy surrounding myself with explorers. Healers, entrepreneurs, marketers, designers, teachers, activists, those who lift me up.

Busy practicing the art of self-care. Telling people no, digging in my mat, reflecting, meditating and listening.

Busy facing the trauma of what I'm exposed to. Gripping the wheel each time I pass a cop, tensing up, forgetting to breathe, thinking of who I'd call if I were to get pulled over.

Busy. Understanding, learning, researching and teaching.

Occupying my time to reflect and engage; to live fully present, in the midst of busyness.

"It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it." - Seneca, The Shortness of Life